I messaged my ex

[Frankieferocious]

Nothing happened between us to end things , he just went abroad. We were so good together, he was lovely.

He was supposed to be abroad for 9 months, and he met someone else there very quickly. She left her partner for him.

He's been gone for 2 months and he's got a job in her town, so looks like it's already very serious.

Literally nothing bad happened, he just left.

I hadn't spoken to him since I found out, so 2 months. I saw there was a serious incident in his city, so I texted him to ask if everything was OK.
His reply was friendly and we are on good terms.

It's just set me back and given me hope, but at the end of the day, he's with her.
He's supposed to be coming back here in 6 months or so, but now I guess he will stay longer to be with her..

I am doing all the stuff to move on but nothing is working. I was NC for 2 months and did so well.

I also don't want him to think i'm desperate and hanging around for him, but genuinely wish he would come back.

Anyone else been in this situation, have you managed to get over the person ?

Go back to no contact and do self care stuff.

He wasn’t / isn’t into you, sadly.

Youre right that's my only choice. I honestly believe we would still be together if he hadn't gone, even though I fully understand why he went.
But if he had really liked/loved me, he probably would not have gotten with the other girl so fast.

Or he wouldn’t have left, or ended your relationship (rather than seeking to continue it long distance).

Imagining what might have happened had he made a different decision probably isn’t helping you to recover from the break up - it’s romanticising.

Also, there’s no need for you to know about his new love life, just don’t stay in touch in any way and you don’t have to!

Many years ago I was in a similar position, after a long term relationship ended, was hoping and romanticising. This was pre MN! A good friend encouraged me to do the things usually advised on MN.

My then ex married and had DC with the woman he began dating immediately after me - she was part of the reason he ended the relationship. Not being in contact with him AT ALL meant I didn’t have to find this out until much, much later, by which point I no longer cared.

You're saying he will stay there longer to be with her, but haven't said he could have stayed to be with you.

You're worth more and hopefully will see that.

Don't waste your time pining when he's made his choice.

Yeah I was many years ago. I met a lovely man and he moved to Australia to pursue a rugby career and he ended up meeting someone pretty soon after and the contact slowly fizzled out, partly because he was also messages other women 🤦🏼‍♀️ Slightly different to your situation but honestly just try and busy yourself, with work, friends, nights out. Delete his number and set his emails to spam or whatever messaging platform you use. Best advice I can give you

Thanks guys 💐 I should add that the going abroad was booked months before he met me so we kind of always knew he was going.
If they have moved together after 2 months of knowing each other makes me think they must be head over heels 🙄
I hope in a couple more months I will be fully over it

No contact is the only way to go. I am on month 7 of NC (my ex met 'the one' when still with me). I suspect she is already pregnant and they're married but l don't know this because l am no contact- and no looking on social media. It still hurts a bit but it is getting easier and not knowing anything about them is helping. He wanted to stay friends but that was never going to work for me. Good luck. X

You need to move on/go no contact.

@intheheat i'm sorry :( have you met anyone else since ?
He didn't deserve your friendship if he was happy to chuck you for someone else like that.
Mine also wanted to be friends too but I said no. It sucks when you didn't do anything and they meet 'the one'.
I hope time will help me.

He replied but you could tell it was literally a minimum of politeness and he didn't ask me anything about myself.
My final text was just a friendly 'congrats on your new job' and no reply.
I have now deleted the number. Could be that he thinks texting me will lead me on, doesn't want to do it behind the woman's back, or quite simply doesn't care now he has someone else.
If he had been genuine and had feelings i'm sure we could have worked out, but he showed that he didnt. Anyway now that has shown me he is not worth it, not a massive loss and I will get on with things.