Sister in abusive relationship....

[DinosaursWouldEatYou]

Sorry if this in the wrong place!

Long story short, oldest sister has been in an abusive relationship for seven years; they have two young children together. She told all family and friends about the abuse and how she keeps trying to leave him but for one reason or another cannot.

He's out of the blue decided he wants to 'change,' but to be able to change for her, she needs to get her whole family to forgive and accept him so we can all have fun family days together and the children should all refer to him as Uncle.

She started to try and invite him to my house to meet my new baby, walk my dog?! and started making plans that my mother will move in with him so he and my sister can look after her.

I was honest and told her I don't feel comfortable around him and that I won't ever accept him as our family.

Everything has now gotten out of hand, and she's resulted in personally insulting my partner (and then myself), trying to emotionally manipulate me (I've made her children sad, what sort of person does this to their sister and children, if I truly cared for her I'd forgive and forget) and so on.

I admit it was wrong but I blocked both her and him from communicating to me just so I can think and breathe for a bit. That's turned into ammunition for him and has tricked my sister into believing that I'm the bad guy cause 'what sister does that if they can't get their own way' and I 'clearly don't care for her,' etc.

I know this is him manipulating her, and it's him talking through her but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm constantly thinking about all this every hour of the day and feel drained by it all.

My sister is someone I barely recognize and I can't just pretend everything's ok between us all. She's pushing we still meet up with each other for the kids.

Sorry for rambling guys.

Sorry, but having been in your position I think you need to just be there for her.
We had to do the same with my DSis.
Basically turn a blind eye until she came to her senses.
Which she did eventually and she knew she could come to me when she needed some help and support and I was there for her every step of the way.
We got her out. But we did put up with him when we needed to in order to ensure he didn't manage to isolate her as well, which he was trying his very best to do.
(not on my watch chummy!)
It just clicked one day for her and it probably will for your DSis.
Sorry, but if you want to be part of her life then you need to put up with this and fake it until you can get her the hell away. (which may never happen). I just used to 'drip drip drip' about the things me and my husband did, that was normal, and it does start to sink in. I planted the seeds of doubt when ever I could.
It's totally crap though. And the amount of times I wanted to fucking punch the smug smile off her husbands face was huge. But I did what I needed to do to ensure that she always had some support around her.
It might not be the best advice, but it's what I did.

I also think you need to be there for her, even if it means having him in your life.

But I'd tell him that you understand he wants to change and just wants the best for your sister, and that you want the best for her too, so you need him to prove that he is changing before you can trust him. (That gives you an excuse on the uncle/house visits front).

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

He'll screw up eventually and she won't feel embarrassed to come to you for help.

'I admit it was wrong but I blocked both her and him from communicating to me just so I can think and breathe for a bit. That's turned into ammunition for him and has tricked my sister into believing that I'm the bad guy cause 'what sister does that if they can't get their own way' and I 'clearly don't care for her,' etc.

I know this is him manipulating her, and it's him talking through her '

I don't think it's just him talking through her, to be honest. Anyone. especially family, would be hurt if they were blocked.

IMO, annoying as they are, you need to try and build bridges with her again. Blocking her will definitely not have helped your relationship and made her feel loved.

Contact her and say.

"I blocked communication from you both so I could think about the situation. I'm always here for you if you need me but unfortunately your partner is not welcome in my house or around my new baby. I hope you can understand, I love you and I'm always at the end of the phone."

You can't make her leave him, she has to do it on her own. He won't change.