Is it over or can it be saved???

[younglove123]

It's been coming for a while, I feel so scared, I've been so upset and I have my kids to think of they are 6 and 7 so they need me and they need me to be strong.

We have our own house (in his name) It's all so scary I thought he was the one I really did but we have drifted apart, we have been together near 14 years. I'm a stay at home mum but it's not working financially he hates his job and wants to start his own business but can't afford to and he doesn't want to get a loan. So wants to sell the house and use the money for the business and don't know where he thinks we would live. I can't get a job as can't afford childcare and grandparents are out of the question. Plus none of us has any friends either. So he is the only one earning and it just isn't enough anymore.

We don't do anything together in 14 years we have never: went on a holiday
Went away for the weekend
Went out a night together
Nothing
The kids are with us 24/7 and before they where born he was a barman and worked every weekend.

I just feel like my life is over at 29. I'm stuck in the same routine and can't get out of it I really do love him and he says he still loves me but all he talks about is how it would be better for him if we maybe did break up and he would make sure I was OK. I don't know what to do or think I would be totally lost without him don't know what I would do.

I am very sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. I would suggest you try Relate and get some relationship counselling before you make any drastic decisions. If your marriage is going to be saved you are going to need some help. Good Luck

So sorry you are going through this. In the run up to Xmas there are often seasonal jobs going - overnight packers and shelf stackers. Could you do something like this - just till January to start building your CV, to gain confidence, to help with the family finances and see if that makes a difference? If it doesn't and you still have to split the. At least you will be better placed to get a job which fits in with the kids - who knows sometimes something temporary opens other doors....

Could you look for a job in schools hours? Or a job you can do from home? I did this when my DC were small and DH worked away most of the time.

Have you actually looked at childcare options? It seems quite unlikely you couldn't afford childcare for wrap around school hours, especially after tax free help though I appreciate holidays are a challenge but plenty of people manage it. You could look at part time morning hours or just a few days a week, you have a lot more options with the children in school. With the children that age and with a suffering lifestyle, I really would look at how you could bring in more money more seriously, perhaps think of a career plan rather just a job, it sounds like you could do with a bit of direction in life, you sound bored, so try and reinvigorate yourself.

Have you even looked for a part time job that happens within school hours so that child care is unaffected? That's what my mum did. That's what a lot of mums do.

Do you home school your DC?
How are they with you 24/7?
You could get a lunchtime job.
You could get evening / night time shift work.
You could do some volunteering.
There's a lot of part-time work out there.
Seems like you don't spend much time together anyway so a night shift job might work for you.

Selling the house to start a business sounds nuts. A high proportion of new businesses fail in the first couple of years. It's a huge risk. Can't he find job he likes instead?

And you are only 29, your life is far from over I promise!

Are you married?

Are you married OP? If not then he could potentially kick you out of his house - not saying he will, just flagging the point. In theory he will have to pay child maintenance, but if he is starting a new business he will be able to show a low income.

If you are married, go and see a solicitor. You need a matrimonial home notice lodged against the title of the house so he can't sell it without your agreement.

You need to plan for looking after yourself and the DC asap.

How old are the children? You may be entitled to help with childcare. Or if they are in school look for a part time job?