His parents always come first

[pinkdot]

Me and my husband have been together for 4 years and recently got married. We have a 6 month old daughter as well.

He is an only child and is very close with his parents, which is good, but he tells them everything!! They only have each other where as I have a big family, and we're close and have no issues. According to DH I'm not actually that close to them because I don't tell them everything... I'm an independent adult and he has been severely mollycoddled.

They guilt trip him all the time and he doesn't realise it and he feels guilty is he doesn't see them or take them out and they know how to work him. I grin and bear it but DH can see through me and gets annoyed at me and tells his parents I don't like seeing them (I don't, but that's not the point). They have a lot more money that I do and he can be quite materialistic and easily bought so he tends to flutter over there more to get stuff from them. We barely see my family because we always have to see his and it's not fair. When I try and say something he just tells me to go on my own or that I'm being selfish or inconsiderate. He has even threatened to leave me and DD on Christmas to go and spend it with his parents alone.
More recently, he is always having a go at me for no reason. He just calls he stupid and thoughtless and selfish because I don't see eye to eye with his parents and apparently I want everything my way. I just want an easy life. I want to spend time with my DH and DD and make memories together. I'm getting so down with him though, he speaks to me like I'm a child and and if I tell him to stop patronising me he flips and brings up an old argument and reiterates to me why I'm so stupid.
I can't deal with this but I couldn't imagine being without him. Has anyone had anything similar?

Why on earth did you marry, and have a child with, someone who repeatedly calls you stupid?

He sounds like he should be back at home living with his mum and dad!

We had the odd tiff before we got married but it was never that bad. Since we got married, he seems to be changing

According to DH I'm not actually that close to them because I don't tell them everything...

Bollocks. I have always been close to my family. I don't tell them everything, never have. Especially if telling them everything involves telling them personal stuff about a partner. That's not my call to make.

And given the rest of your post, OP, I'd say take him at his word, and send him to his parents permanently.

Go and see your own family on Christmas Day and leave to man child to spend the day with his parents. He needs to understand your a family and him trying to separate you from your family, not visiting with you and bitching about you to his parents would be enough for me to ask him leave

My X husband changed massively when we got married, he suddenly showed me very clear ideas of how a wife should behave that had no part of our relationship the day before. We should have divorced far sooner.

Based on the examples you've given, your husband's behaviour is verbally and emotionally abusive.

Whatever the issues with his parents, it's not acceptable for him to talk to you like that.

Please don't let him isolate you from your family. You must prioritise staying in contact with them as much as you can.

I expect that his threat to go to his parents at Christmas (without you and DD) is an empty one, he is using it to keep you in line because he knows you're desperate to be with him and will just give in.

So stop giving him. Let him have his tantrums and run off to Mummy and Daddy. Meanwhile you can decide how often you are willing to see them, but also factor in seeing your family and spending time just you and DD.

If he doesn't like it he can leave.

(If he was more reasonable I would suggest that you read "Toxic In-laws" by Susan Forward and persuade him to do couple's counselling with you. The book might still be useful but I don't think couple's counselling would help even if he did agree.)

I agree with him.

Tell your family everything - everything you have posted about how badly he treats you.
Then go to them for Christmas and don't go back...
He is a nasty man child.

Ah, he got worse once you married. Now he thinks he's 'got' you, he thinks he can treat you as badly as he likes. I too say pack him off back to his parents. He's starting to be controlling. The constant put downs (calling you stupid) will have an effect on your MH and will also teach your DD that this is how daddies talk to mummies. That mummies are stupid.

Let him go to his parents and you go to yours! Sadly once a partner choses their parents over their partner on a regular basis I can see the relationship ending.

Tell him to go home to mummy and daddy since he clearly hasn't cut the cord.