With the birthday presents, explain to him that you like the excitement of opening them, the anticipation, and if there aren't any, the disappointment.
If it matters to you that he does things spontaneously for you, you need to talk to him about it; tell him that you don't want to plan it together, that you want him to pick a date and a place, and surprise you with it. If you say nothing, he's probably interpreting silence as contentment with the way things are. With my DH, we believe that communication is key, and when we were a new couple, we both occasionally said to the other "if you weren't happy, you should have said". In fact, persistent "seething instead of saying" would be a deal-breaker for me. (I'm not saying that's what's happening with you.)
Choose a neutral moment to address this, e.g. when you're doing household admin, and have the diary out. Don't try to address it just after he's failed to surprise you. If he has ASD, he'd probably respond well to an edict such as "I expect you to do something spontaneous for me at least once a month, don't clear it with me first", and explain about needing the break in routine to feel sexy; otherwise he could easily decide for example that he'd do something on the third Friday of every month.
Do you have a lot of routine in your lives? With us, our work schedules are different every week, so it's harder for us to be spontaneous: we have to look for moments, plan them in advance, and tell the other to keep a certain period free if we want to surprise each other.