Is he still abusing me?

[Paulettepink]

Really need to get some perspective please. My ex has messed with my head so much I think I'm no longer sure on what is abuse and what is a normal argument...worried I am over reacting to our latest 'exchanges'.

I told him he wasnt going to see his son again (due to his drug use). As he walks past me he came quite close and said with much hatred something along the lines of "it must make you feel really worthless knowing that I care so little about you that you have to use our son to hurt me. You must feel really worthless" (great emphasis on the word worthless)

He also told me repeatedly that he was going to stay at some girls house if I 'kick him out again'. He told me he was clean so he had been staying for about a week with a view to us trying again.

Been shouting at me telling me how unsupportive I have been and how he will never get clean with me and even the drug worker he saw told him that. But this new girl is offering him 100% support. Apparently I shouldn't be kicking him out or telling him he wont ever see his son again as its not supportive.

He made sure to mention his gorgeous this girl is.

Also told me when I told him to leave Saturday night that if I did he wouldn't give me the money he owes me, which he knows I need.

He has ignored the message I sent again suggesting we go to counselling etc, yet has called me and been online numerous times since. Says there is no reason he hasn't replied.

Says I am abusive because I criticize him and put him down all the time. For example any mention of his drug use or what he has put me through.

Says I am dead to him again if I dont admit again that I was wrong to tell his older child mother about his drug use

Am I being over sensitive because of what has already happened? Or is this abusive behaviour too?

Dont mean to sound ruthless but why the fuck are you with this asshole! Of course hes abusing you. He has no intention of sorting himself out given that hes blaming you! Show the prick the door and dont have him in your life..you owe him nothing!

Don't apologise.
Phone Women's Aid and take their advice.
Don't see him again. Only contact if court ordered. And block on all forms of contact except at most one.

If he has a new woman - great! It might keep him out of your hair - but poor her.

We aren't together any more. He ended the relationship in the summer after getting high. He was annoyed that i saw through his lies and wouldn't let him come and spend the day with us. He was living elsewhere supposedly getting clean. He needed a lift last week and somehow he ended up staying and didn't leave. I was drug testing him as per our agreement and all ok until friday/Saturday. It was the first time he has seen his son properly in 3 months

There is no way on this earth a drug addict will pay for a solicitor in a situation like this - he knows he hasn't got a leg to stand on and he would resent spending drug money on something else.

Personally I'd try to move away from this guy and never see him again.

He's toxic; abusive and a drug user. So what is it about him you like?

Well that's the stupid thing about it. Apparently I'm trauma bonded to him. He has a nice side too, though his mood shifts very quickly. He managed a whole week without yelling at me etc and he clearly loves his son. I think I'm just desperate for the family he promised us. Missing what we never had if that makes sense?

Don't apologise to him. I asked for clarification and based on what you said he was never actually quitting, he was just telling you he was to get you off his back, when that didn't work he mentioned another woman to stop you leaving and when that didn't work he got angry.

As others said, don't use threats with your child. You can stop unsupervised contact based on drug abuse, and if you go through the courts they may well suggest a contact centre but they most likely won't stop contact altogether.

I think you just need to leave, and do what's best for you. Who knows, in six months to a year he may change based on you leaving and having to work to see his child and that's good for everyone, and if he doesn't change then he was never worth the effort in the first place.

That's true. Its just so hard to admit its over for real this time. Every time he says 'this time I won't come back' but he always does. I know he is talking to other women and that this woman in particular exists but I'm not sure he really is moving in with her. It's just as likely it's just to manipulate me into telling him he can come back here, but who knows.

And i wasn't trying to threaten him work not seeing his child. It was meant more as a statement of fact based on his behaviour and him having had more chances than I've had hot dinners to to fix up.

Hi lovely i had little read thru some of the chat totally relate wont bore you with the nightmare i went thru until he finally left our home was just really to say it will go to court as it happened to me and trust me he will get access no matter what my poor lads father is still in drugs drink etc even failed to show at appearances in court many times due to being in prison for drink driving and no what hes still been awarded access it's a disgrace im worried sick about him being with our son who hadn't seen him in over year and a half due to the fact when he last had him he pissed off out and left him in bed the courts are well aware of all of this but it makes no difference see if i behaved this way pretty sure my children would be removed from me it's so unfair has something awful to happen before they listen

He wont change trust me i put up with years of this and we've been apart nearly 3 years hes still the same of not worse been locked up and all sorts My advice would be run for the hills before court comes as they wont help you if hes on the birth certificate he will get rights scum or not Sadly 😔

I don't think he will take me to court as he can't afford it. If it does eventually happen I just pray we get a sensible judge

Oh neither could mine they get legal aid and i would have thought the same we have seen 3 different judges but it's still going ahead fathers on the birth certificate have rights that's how it goes trust me im living it its hell

So sad, he would be so much better off without him in his life. Why can't the courts put the children first? I don't understand why people like him, who make no effort to change and dont even provide for their children should have any rights at all.

Exactly honestly im worried sick with it my poor boy knows nothing of this kinda life honestly im for totally relocating my whole life as i know how this will end he will let him down over and over as he did at start or worse put him in danger it breaks my heart I wish you lots of love and luck in all you do really i hope it never goes this far for you seriously i don't get why if they want drink drugs etc they don't just piss off and do it and leave the kids be 😔

Thank you, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I really hope it somehow works out for the best. Your little boy deserves so much better and you shouldn't be put through all this worry for his safety and well being 💐

I know its shocking cause see if it was us the kids would be taken away no chances Thankyou huni he will be kept safe as i just wont put him thru it hes just too innocent n precious to risk it We be right don't worry 😉 Xx