I think my marriage is over

[sillycat72]

It's been coming for a while, I feel so scared, I've been so upset and I have my kids to think of they are 16 and 13 so not young but they still need me and they need me to be strong. We are a blended family and it's been so hard, I thought I was doing a good job but since his dd has turned 14 she has decided she hates me and said and done some awful things, but now she doesn't want to come here cos of me so as it's his dd I have to go. I don't know what I've done but obviously my kids are upset by it all.

If I got my own house would I get any help financially, I have my own business but working it out I'm not sure it's enough to pay the bills . I guess I need to get another job. It's all so scary I thought he was the one I really did but a teen has come between us. I feel physically sick I really do.

You might be entitled to benefits, use the government on line calculator as a guide.

Do you have any shared assets and did you contribute to any property?

I do have some savings but that's not going to last me. I'm so scared of being on my own again but I've done it before, I'm not even from around here but my kids go to school here. It's a nightmare

has he told you you need to leave !?

you are entitled to a share of your assets OP, do not be leaving empty handed

No he's not told me to leave, it's just unbearable but should it be me leaving I'm soo scared

Does he know you're leaving OP ?

He knows I want to, he hasn't said I have to but we are not talking just ignoring each other, it's an awful atmosphere. He's very angry atm

What is he angry with you about? You said the DSD did awful things but surely that isn’t your fault. Did you retaliate in some way that angered him and which is making you feel guilty about the situation?

OP this is your home too.... and your kids home... can't He leave ?

How long have you been married op? Whose name is the house in? And why is he angry with you.

These things ebb and flow, don't be so hasty unless you have had enough and want to leave. 14 year olds are fickle creatures at times. Sit him down and as a united front decide how to make things better. Does his daughter need space, would it be better to meet at a coffee shop for a while. Do you agree to be out for a few hours every other Saturday to give her space as a short term solution. Could you take her for a coffee one on one?

Why is he angry?

Are you married?

Well I think both his daughters are jealous they want him to themselves, which I understand so I've suggested many times they should spend time together without me, I have absolutely no problem with that at all.

He is angry because he feels he's loosing his daughter, yes I do feel guilty I don't want him to loose his dd cos of me. I have known her since she was 6, I had no idea this was coming, I don't discipline his children I never shout or do anything but good, it's got worse recently. His dd did post an awful video of me on tick tock not very complimentary of me, saying f you and screw you. My ds goes to the same school so he got a lot of backlash from it. His dd is refusing to go back to school because of the backlash. I'm not perfect and I did react a little to the video but within a few days I was over it tbh. But when you hear your sd telling everyone I'm the reason she doesn't want to be here it's awful, but that's how she feels. Dh is angry because she won't come back partly to do with me and partly to do with school so he's blaming me.

Essentially the teenager found someone to rebel against and that was you. She acted out badly and in a spiteful manner towards you with the video. She’s now embarrassed and angry at the reception she got at school and from you. She’s doubling down on the spite and refusing to be near you.

Ideally you and your husband would tackle this together and with her mother. She must have a reason, no matter how invalid or distorted to be behaving this way. You are the target but that doesn’t mean you are the reason. She needs discipline and she needs help. That should be consistently provided by you all.

Unfortunately you are all divided. She’s not getting discipline or help. Her behaviour has and will escalate. Unless it is made clear that she can’t target you or anyone else, she will carry on. Which is what she is doing by refusing to be in your home.

Whatever your reaction was, it didn’t help and probably lost you the moral high ground. She wanted to provoke you into behaviour that justifies hers.

If you aren’t willing to confront the problem and your DH isn’t either, then you have one option left. You agree to no longer share a home. That can be achieved by you leaving or your DH leaving. Is that what you both want?

But it’s worth thinking about what a split will achieve for your DH. Unless there is a big piece of information missing from your side of things, his DD will shift her spite and aggression to someone or something else. He still needs to get to the bottom of things. That might be that his DD is a spiteful spoilt teen or she could have a real issue or problem. That might be a teen problem but to her it will be epic.

As to who stays in the home, as you are married it is a joint asset unless you agreed otherwise. We can’t advise more unless you provide more information.

Can't he see that his daughter is to blame to some extent?

By blaming you it takes away any responsibility from him for fixing the issue.

This could be solvable if he wanted to work with you, I suspect the issue with his daughter has been convenient stick to bear you with.

How does he get on with your children?