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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner's stress getting me down

4 replies

wednesdayschild9 · 11/11/2019 17:46

Hi everyone,
My boyfriend has been going through some family trouble for the past 10 months or so - his parents' divorce. We got back together this year after a brief stint apart and he did come clean that the family stress was playing on his mind a lot and he thinks it contributed to our separation.

It takes a LOT for him to admit when he's upset about something! Last week, he told me that he's sorry in advance if he's snappy/moody with me because the family stuff was getting him down. I appreciate that sooo much as he normally wouldn't even think to warn me - just go cold.

This week though, it's been particularly bad, he's not really called, not bothered to make plans to see me which he usually plans weeks in advance! And has just generally been a bit flat in terms of his personality. I've tried to be normal, uplifting etc, but am I being unreasonable for letting this get to me to the point where I'm getting upset/even a little angry? I'm even starting to wonder if I am the problem, which may be unreasonable. (But may be true)

Talk some sense into me please! How do you deal with your partner's stress/how do I be the best girlfriend I can possibly be at this time without adding to his stress?

OP posts:
wednesdayschild9 · 11/11/2019 17:48

And I realise it sounds a bit selfish when I've written "he's not bothered to make plans to see me" - I have tried to make plans this past week but he's been a bit dismissive. I know he probably just wanted to spend time alone/at home.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 11/11/2019 18:11

I'm sorry OP, you sound lovely.. but I'm not buying the whole 'family' excuse as the real reason for your BF's issues ..

it sounds like a sorry excuse to get away with treating you like crap.. whilst you scramble around trying to support him and seeking out ways to being the best girlfriend ever...

Finding someone who respect and cherishes you would be a start, unfortunately I don't think that this is that guy. Flowers

ny20005 · 11/11/2019 18:25

My dh does this. Goes quiet, withdraws from family like & when questioned says he's stressed & I wouldn't understand 🙄

If his behaviour is affecting his relationship with you, he needs to accept responsibility for this. He needs to speak to gp or outside agency to deal with issues & not use it as an excuse for his behaviour if he's not prepared to anything about it

wednesdayschild9 · 11/11/2019 19:50

@BumbleBeee69 Thank you - I completely get where you're coming from but I can honestly say that the divorce has taken a big toll on him and on other aspects of his life too. He gives up his sports for weeks at a time when he's going through something.

He's never treated me like crap, but I'm just struggling to be the supportive girlfriend right now. I wish I was a little more understanding (I like to think I'm very empathetic but this week I'm just struggling with it because I feel a little forgotten!)

@ny20005 Thank you for your wise words Flowers

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