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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What does he mean?

6 replies

loured · 11/11/2019 16:59

Ive split from my ex after 3 years this year. It was a bitter split and currently trying to sort the house as we bought a house together.
I then met another man- very much my type, everything my ex wasn't and is a good man too.
However, he has anxiety and has just had his divorce finalised. He has had a relationship since his divorce/split 2 years ago but told me it ended because he was messaging other girls and has been very honest with a few things with me which surprised me. He has said he's feeling pretty low and unable to commit to anything right now.
Ive said I understand as emotionally I am unsure I can commit too right now. So we've both walked away as I have said I need to go away and repair the hurt from my ex etc and he said he is in the same boat. We've spoken intermittently but always leads to sexting- he tells me he misses my body a lot but tells me he's sorry he can't be what he wants for me? And he hopes I find the right guy as I deserve him?
I find this so confusing- I can read this in many ways. Is it a case of right guy wrong time? Or is he simply never going to be interested? Or he does like me but unable to emotionally commit and is too much of a mess right now and his confidence is shattered a bit?
He has said he does overthink things (which I can do too) and I have clearly told him I'm not looking for a relationship right now so it confuses me that he pushes me a way in one way but not in another....?
The bottom line is I'm happy to be a friend and just support him but he said he has kept his distance because he hasn't been able to give me what I want?

OP posts:
PrettyPlainJayne · 11/11/2019 17:04

You're now the woman he is texting whilst he is with someone else.

He was telling you who he was when he told you that.

Nothing stops men being with the woman they want. He doesnt want to be with you. Youre good enough for a text on the side now, thats it.

Sorry.

MadnessInMethod · 11/11/2019 17:17

You are way overthinking this.

Honestly the lengths some women will go to, to explain away shitty behaviour even when these fellas are telling you point blank they're not interested in a relationship.

He has outright told you - he tells me he misses my body a lot, he's unable to commit to anything right now.

He misses your body a lot. Not your sparking personality, your great conversation, your warmth, your amazing sense of humour, your company.

He misses your body. And he can't commit to anything.

Can you honestly not see he's looking for a convenient no strings shag? Confused Or even more likely, he's in a relationship and you are now the woman he's sexting on the side.

Timetobegood · 11/11/2019 17:17

Why are you happy to just support him? I think you would be doing that in the hope that more will come of it in time but he has told you clearly he is not looking for that.

Justmuddlingalong · 11/11/2019 17:20

He's testing the water to see if you're up for a fwb arrangement.

minmooch · 11/11/2019 17:22

I'd say he's not that in to you.

He wants hassle free sex and nothing more at the moment.

You stick with the right person when you find them because you recognise they are the right person.

Walk away. You deserve someone who thinks the whole package of you is great.

NoWeAreNotNearlyThereYet · 11/11/2019 17:24

Yes as PP's have said he's after casual sex until the next one comes along.

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