Unsupportive partner?!

[Mommycool24]

Ok so my little boy is almost 2 weeks old and I have a three year old. My partner doesn’t work and has NO form of income at the moment. So you would think he would have time to help out? Wrong. I’ve been doing all the night feeds and getting up the next day and running our home and looking after our children while he sleeps all night and is always away during the day and sometimes night running after friends and hanging out with them. I’m exhausted. I broke down last night saying how I felt unsupported and how I think he’s being a tad selfish and how I need anoitnof help and he just brushed it off and told me to stop being a cry baby and just didn’t take my feelings into account atall then later on in the night he said he would start giving me some help. Today I had visitors and the health visitor comming and our house was an absolute mess, he told me lastnight He would help me today to clean and what not before they come, he got up this morning and kept saying how tired he was and done absolutely nothing, so of course I confronted him saying he said he would give me help and he started a whole big argument over this and stormed out of the house and left in the car pretty much saying this is my punishment for crying for some help, so with no sleep and the two children I was left to sort the whole house out myself. This was at 10am, it’s 4pm and he’s still not home. I’m at a dead end on what to do, he’s forever running after his friends and never at home with me or the two boys. I’ve tried expressing my feelings but I’m getting nowhere doing that. He’s been so horrible to me from I’ve come home from giving birth to our son, he’s always shouting and jumping down my throat, he’s calling me names, arguing infront of the children, saying “i do nothing” even though I do everything. Clearing off for hours on end, he hasn’t even changed a nappy of our 2 week olds yet. I’m so depressed and I feel so lonely and lost and very unloved. This is meant to be a happy time. But it’s just been so miserable and unhappy for me. Any Advice would be appreciated.

Why on earth are you with him?!

What a waste of space. Did you tell the health visitor?

You need to get out of this relationship as you're on a hiding to nowhere. No one who loves or respects you watches you run yourself into the ground and screams abuse at you.

You sound like a lovely mum and you're going to be fine.

Take a gander at the CABx website regarding separation, benefits etc:
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

Gingerbread can also give you advice on separation, benefits etc:
www.gingerbread.org.uk/

Have a chat with a domestic abuse organisation about exiting the relationship safely: www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Rights of Women offer free legal support.

See your GP or have a chat with your health visitor if you feel you are struggling.

You're going to be ok.

This is so sad :-(
It's such a hard time aswell and you should be getting lots of rest. Is he always like this? Do you get on with his parents - maybe you could have a word with them? To put it politely, He sounds like he's being extremely selfish!! Hope you are ok x

You poor thing. He sounds horrible.

My advice is ask him to leave for good.

Why are you even bothering with him?

I know yous are asking why am I with him but we’ve been together 6 years and they all weren’t bad I don’t know what’s got into him this past 2/3 years but he’s changed so much and he used to be the sweetest caring guy. He hasn’t even rang or anything and I refuse to ring him because he’ll just make out I’m being a yap. Yes I’m close with his parents but again he wouldn’t take onboard what they say. It’s not 6pm and he’s still not home. I didn’t tell the health visitor. Every time I tell him to leave he refuses to leave the house or pack his things. I just don’t know what to do :-(

He's been a dick for the past 2/3 yrs and you made a baby with him? Whoops.

Are drugs/alcohol involved? If so be aware he will always choose the substance over you and the DC. You need help to kick him out.

Do you have any family or close friends who you could stay with for a few days with the kids for a bit of support? I also wouldn't bother telling him if you leave, I'd see how long it took him to call and find out where his kids are.

All I can say is that you must be bloody amazing to be doing all that within 2 weeks of giving birth. Just remember that. I would have crumbled by now, but you are still managing to do everything. Seriously, get some help from somewhere. Your family, friends, his parents. Whoever. Someone that can come and clean for you for an hour or make you some dinner. This should be him, but he doesn’t care enough, so try and get through this without him - (not that you should. It is his child as well after all).
Excellent advice from 12345kbm
You are going to be ok xx

Half the relationship has been bad. And it's the last half.

Do you want him gone or not? Because there are ways to break up. Not if you're not sure though.

Hello OP, you sound like a lovely young mum. Your young man, right now does not sound like a lovey young dad, you know him best and only you can decide if he is worth waiting for/investing your one and only life in. Have to say he sounds like a twunt.

You tell him to fuck off and get some real life help to make it happen.

Pack his bag for him and leave it outside, lock the fort and send him a text saying don’t come back to this house. You need to find your angry.

I feel for you so much, you are struggling but you can do this on your own and it will be easier not having another person to run round after.

If he continues like this it will destroy your happiness and your children's happiness. If you want him to change (maybe that's possible) you will need to bare your teeth. He is taking you for granted and treating you very badly. You deserve so much more. Next time, tell the health visitor and tell others in real life so you have some support.

When he does manage to find the time he can be an amazing dad and that’s the man I fell in love with, we have had a phone call since I put up this post but he still hasn’t returned home yet, he told me at 6pm that he was only woke up (he drove off to his mums and went to bed down there and slept because he was “tired”) I confronted him while on the phone, I said that he’s some parent/partner leaving me and the kids all day while he gets a free day and his reply was “yeah and how did that go? How hard was it doing it all on ur own? I slept the wholeee day while you were doing that” then proceeded to tell Me that he suffers depression and changing over his medications atm so he has a reason to have an attitude and be moody and but me on the other hand I have absolutely no reason to be moody or on edge. He said I’m constantly on his case and is it any wonder he storms off and leaves having to sit under the same roof as me. It’s really hurting me and waring me down. Yes he sometimes apologises for saying hurtful things but those comments nevergo away they stick with you. I honestly don’t know what to do to be right

Depression is no excuse. He is an absolute arse. He isn't a good dad. Good dads don't just fuck off for the day then throw it back in your face.

So he doesn’t Financially provide for the children.
He has never changed the baby’s nappy.
He doesn’t help keep their home clean.
He doesn’t do night feeds.
He shouts abuse at the children’s mother.

Am struggling with the good dad bit.

Ok - take him on a really good day when he is being “a good dad”. If you behaved how he does on a good day would you be a good mum. Or maybe a barely adequate one. Because I suspect your version of a good dad is actually “barely adequate”.

Ok - pragmatically. Whose name is on the house? Are you married? What are you living on financially? If you leave have you got anywhere else to go? Would your landlord be willing to change the lease to just you?

Imagine what situation you would have be in to treat someone s badly, OP.

You can't do it, can you? You cannot imagine a situation where you would leave everything to another person.

You do not have a partner. You have a piss-taker, who has no respect for you, not even as a fellow human-being. That is how little he cares about you. That is how little he cares about his own children.

He's a selfish, useless, waste of space, and your life will be immeasurably improved when he is out of it.

He doesn't want to be a dad by the sounds of it. Whatever it is he's making your life worse not better. Get rid of dead wood, he's a waste of space.

This idiot is a useless wanker.

He doesn't want to be a dad. He doesn't want to be a good partner to you.

He's having his cake and eating it and you're letting him.

Do his parents really put up with him sleeping at their house during the day? Do they not wonder why he's working?

Where are your parents? What other help is on hand for YOU?

And are you in rented accommodation or mortgage? You need to get this useless waste of space GONE.

You're already doing everything yourself, but you'll be doing it without him taking up mental space and energy.

Don't hang on to the 'oh but he used to be lovely' idea. That ship has long gone. He's a spiteful little git who was boasting about sleeping all day while you were looking after the kids? Lovely.

Tell him to go to his parents permanently. And get the police involved if he won't.

Do they not wonder why he's NOT working?

He can be an amazing dad? Aye, right. His mum is also enabling his utter twatishness by letting him sleep all day at hers. Or is he telling her a tale of woe, of how he does EVERYTHING at home but you're never satisfied, and it's SO EXHAUSTING for him.

Whatever, you'd be far better off without this waste of space in your life. You're living as a single parent as it is.

Personally I would tell him to stay at his mothers and not to bother coming back - pack his crap up and dump it in the garden.

depression is no reason to be abusive to your partner and ignore your children.

get rid of him and you will find it a lot easier - I know its a lot easier- trust me!!

He changed when your first DC came along.
That is when abusers often show their true colours.
This vile piece of shit is a horrible.
He's a fucking awful role model for your DC.
Do you want them choosing someone the same or turning into an abuser?
Save yourself from a life abuse.
Save your children.
Call Womens Aid today and get their help.
Keep trying them. They are busy.
Do you have any family or friends close by?
Get him gone.
And do it fast.