I cant stop lying

[Throwaway8373r]

Thats it really, not even about big things. Just small everyday matters. Both my parents lied when I was growing up and my Dad always made me feel stupid for not knowing things so I would pretend I did and then look it up later. I always feel unworthy and unimpressive so I will exaggerate things without even realising. I even begin to believe my own lies sometimes and have had arguments even tho the other person knows the truth I feel backed into a corner and dont admit I was wrong. How can I fix this? Counselling or therapy? Any self help books I should read? Its damaging my relationships but I can't sem to stop myself.

If you're aware that you're lying then it has obviously become a habit. A habit that can be broken with the help of a professional.

You have low self esteem & don’t value yourself. You are a special, unique person & I bet you’re good at lots of things you don’t even know about. I hope you can learn to love yourself & one day be able to make self deprecating jokes about how you used to be so insecure you’d pretend you knew things & go look them up later to learn them!

I never thought of it as a habit before, that helps to think of it as something I can train myself out of. But where do I start? It happens so naturally now. I even second guess myself, if i am feeling ill i have to ask myself am i really feeling ill or am i lying to myself to get a day off work

Thank you so much prawnsword i was preparing to get flamed for this as i know i am hurting the people around me. Your post was so understanding and kind. I really hope i can get to the stage of making jokes about how i used to be. Just seems like such a huge thing for me right now

@Throwaway8373r

I think tbh you've made the hardest step already by acknowledging that you do this and wanting to somehow stop it.

My brother is similar, he doesn't even tell big lies really but embellishes every single thing he does say. So he's never just nipped to the shop and back, he will have had a funny encounter / seen something weird etc.

We never point it out now as we are used to it and he would be embarrassed and his lies aren't really hurting anyone.

But until your post I had never considered it from his side, that it might be stressful and anxiety inducing to always feel you need to add extra layers to something on the spot.

I have no experience but I just thought maybe you could challenge yourself to write down an honest account of your day before bed each night, with no embellishments or additions. Maybe it may help in "real life" if you get into the habit of seeing in black and white that your day is perfectly fine without embellishment.

It may also just help your brain to process the events of the day calmly and clearly without the pressure of trying immediately to only tell the truth in front of people, cold turkey.

Might be silly but just an idea

Hope you're feeling ok today OP - and remember you can be totally honest on here if you need somewhere to be a bit raw! It's been a lifeline for me in the past in relation to various things. Sending you positive vibes!

This is exactly me too!!! Its uncanny. It happens without even realising it or paying attention.
Im not 100% sure of your situation but in mine it has lead to me making very bad decisions and ultimately led to the breakdown of my marriage. I always felt inadequate, which looking back now was self impossed but i lied about stupid things, little things that have eroded the trust in my marriage.
I wish to god i hadnt done and although i have admitted to my self that it was the case, i still catch myself doing it even now. Its horrible. Its usually after the fact that i stop and think 'damn, ive just lied about that! Why?' Then i feel like i cant admit to the lie for fear of looking stupid and untrustworthy which is completely not my intention. I have not and do not ever gain anything from the lies, if anything it makes life and situations that much harder.

I have a friend who does this, myself and our mutual friends have just come to accept her for the way she is. She doesn't lie to hurt anyone else, but I can see her throwing her life away as she digs herself into a deeper hole due to her lies.

The difference between you and her, is that you've admitted your problem, therefore can work on braking the habit. My friend is in denial. On the few occasions when she's been confronted, she will attempt to make the other person guilty/feel like a terrible friend.

We've come to the conclusion that we can either take her with a pitch of salt and have her in our lives, or confront her lies and lose her.

This appears to be exactly like my son and it spoils all of his friendships because they’re so obvious and people inevitably distance theirselves from him. Has anyone had any help or professional support for this or advice as to how to address it as I’ve tried everything but nothing seems to help.