Some positive stories of love after heartbreak

[TheresGotToBeMoreToLife]

Ladies I’m having a difficult time at the minute …

I am 34, divorced and have two children, aged 7 and 2. My ex-husband and I separated in January 2018 and since then I’ve had a year long relationship with an unsuitable guy. That’s now over. Our time together was actually really good for me, got me back to feeling normal again, filled my spare time, gave me a purpose and made me feel like I could be a good mum. I felt younger again, enjoyed new things in life, felt excited for the future and above all I enjoyed feeling like a family again. I am sad it has ended, but know that ultimately it wouldn’t have worked long-term as he was much too emotional.

Now I am single again, I am so, so concerned about not meeting anyone else, especially since I have children, and feel there is only a bleak future in front of me. It absolutely eats me up, even though my last partner and I only split a few weeks ago. I think about it all the time, and it brings out this deep sadness in me. I am struggling to work, to sleep, I cry all the time and feel noting but desolate.
I know this is not a productive way to think, but it’s how I’m feeling at the minute. I’m struggling to get myself out of the black hole and I don’t know where to turn to.

I do have a good job, own my own home, have some friends that I can call on, but no-one I feel especially close to, and hate feeling like a burden to them. I am close to my family, but it’s the adult male company that I feel I need. My friends tell me I’m a catch. I just don’t see it. I want so badly to be happy, to forget about my ex-boyfriend and to move on and meet someone else. I know the idea is to find worth in yourself first before trying to find a man but somewhere along the line my worth has become so tied-up in if I am loved that I just don’t know if I will ever do this.

I thought it might be uplifting for me and others in a similar situation to hear some success stories about mums who had gone on to find love after heartbreak. Convince me it can happen

Yours sadly
x

Although I have no children, I feel exactly the same. I’ve had a few previous relationships and it’s really getting me down that none of them seem to work out. I’m not at all a stubborn person who can’t admit when they’re wrong but I genuinely can’t put my finger one where I am going wrong. It’s always the man! I just feel like I am never going to find someone that respects and cares for me in the ways that I’ve cared and respected my ex’s. It’s terrifying to think I’ll just end up alone forever

Waiting for the positive stories..

Hi - I left a bad marriage in nov 2015.

I did some on line dating but got really lucky on a date where I met an incredible man who has become my soulmate.

I didn't expect it and fast forward 4 years we live together and have a wonderful 18 month old son.

I even want to get married again

That's wonderful welshlady :)

My ex fiance broke off what I thought was a dreamy engagement , by email, with no warning or reason, then ghosted me. I was absolutely bereft for ages, and convinced there must have been something inherently awful about me that had prompted him to run for the hills. In hindsight, although he went about it in a dickish way, it was the right decision - we weren't good for each other, and it wouldn't have been an emotionally healthy marriage. But it took me ages to recover and move on.

Now I'm in a healthy, balanced, happy marriage to someone I love fiercely and who I know feels the same about me. I'd known him for years but had (unwisely) always passed him over in favour of an exciting, bad-boy type. The best thing I ever did was giving time for the slow burn of friendship and affection to develop into something more - it's a cliche but sometimes love really is where you least expect it!

The first few weeks after a breakup are grim OP. Be kind to yourself and remember you won't feel like this forever

I divorced in 2015 after my ex husband decided to go away on a work trip and video himself shagging his boss and accidentally sent it to me I see the funny side now only because I realise now he did me a massive favour by leaving.
Anyway. I got myself an evening job in a local pub, met my now husband and honestly I couldn’t have ever wished for a better husband.
He didn’t have kids of his own and we took things slowly but now we have been married over a year, he’s an amazing step father to my sons and we are expecting a child of our own next month.
I had some shockingly bad dates in the time between divorce and finding my now husband. Ironically I used to go into work and tell my now husband all about the bad dates .
There is genuine hope for everyone I promise x

@Loveagoodpaxo - oh my fucking bejesus ham sandwich. Bet your solicitor had the easiest job in Christendom (and hopefully took your XH to the cleaners).

@TheresGotToBeMoreToLife - Sending lots of hugs, but look at it this way: you've got two lovely kids, a house and a good job. You've dated since divorce (so clearly you are attractive to men) but your self-esteem is in the toilet. You're totally allowed to be sad, your relationship has just ended, but please don't be so down on yourself.
Focus on yourself and your kids at the moment. Being in a relationship does not define your worth, and you definitely don't want to approach a new one feeling this down on yourself as that often leads to settling with someone who isn't up to scratch. As PPs have said - love comes along at the most unusual of times. Think about picking yourself up by joining a new local social club (book/sport/etc) - this will not only get you out meeting new friends, but it will give you something else to focus on. Who knows, there may even be hot single dads there.

Hello, I can completely sympathise! Recently split with my Oh ( blended family) and am just so down.

Similar to you I have my own house, 2 kids, wouldn't say I'm highly attractive but I'm ok looking.

Just feeling really low as well!

I remember writing a very similar thread to this about 18 months ago so felt compelled to reply.

I’m 29, divorced but no children.. was with my ex for 11 years (only married a year) when he came home out of the blue and told me he no longer loved me .. this was spring 2018.. I honestly thought the world had fallen out of my arse, was adamant I wouldn’t get to be a mum and would never get married again.

Earlier this year I started dating the most amazing man I have ever met, he makes me realise that my ex did me a favour and this is how a relationship should be.. I’m certain I’ll marry him one day and he will be the father of my children but for now we’re enjoying having fun, going on holidays and enjoying ourselves after both having horrific breakups a few years ago.

Honestly I NEVER thought I’d smile again but I was so so wrong.

@TheresGotToBeMoreToLife
I really feel for you and I’d echo what you and others have said. Yes, when you’re feeling desolate and your self-esteem is a bit low it’s not the best time to start a new relationship. We tend to attract what we put out, unconsciously. Better no relationship (and really value the time with your children, who need you more than anyone) than an unsatisfactory one. So you’ve done the right thing by ending the last one. Now you need to grieve for a while.

If you can take time for yourself, and exercise as often as you can (I took up yoga and running), maybe also read or listen to a few self-help podcasts/ books (found Gay & Kathryn Hendricks useful!) to get to know yourself better you will give out a more positive energy.

I can honestly say there is life after divorce, and that when you’re ready, if that doesn’t sound too clichéd, that’s when you will attract the best person for you at that time. You’ve been through a shock - don’t underestimate the stress of divorce and separation, even if you instigated it - so treat yourself well. Do the things that make you happy. This has the added benefit of helping you to be strong for your children. Enjoy the time you have with them - it’s over so quickly.

Bear in mind that you might be over-focused on finding a partner because subconsciously you feel ‘incomplete’ (as was my problem). Through ‘surviving’ marriage with a physically and emotionally ‘cold’ man, I’ve learnt to really treasure time on my own, instead of feeling lonely and needy. I see myself (honestly) as the ‘Prize’ to be fought over and won!

I met my current partner nearly 20 years ago. We were both in unsatisfactory marriages with other people. It was unexpected and wonderful when we got together in our late 50s. (And you’re so young!)

It’s important to get to know someone really well before you introduce them into your family and so take time to consider what you want from a new relationship.

And while you’re getting ready... hug your children many times a day, talk with and always listen to them. They often have wisdom beyond their years.