In love with a man that’s leaving

[Ldrlove]

For 2 months I’ve been dating a man who is relocating to Asia in January.

I knew this was a possibility when we met but was hopeful it wouldn’t happen. The job offer has been made now though and he has no choice but to go.

I’m completely and utterly in love with him. I don’t know if he’s in love with me but we’re certainly heading that way.

I half want to run for the hills now because I feel like I’m just counting down until I have to say goodbye.

We have vaguely talked about what happens next and when he’s planning to come back to visit, but mostly we stay away from the topic because it’s too sad.

There is a potential for us to eventually be together if we were to get married but that’s a bit heavy to be talking about at this point.

What do bloody hell do I do now? Do I cut my losses and get out before I get in any deeper? That makes the most logical sense but I don’t really want to do that.

Is it a permanent move to Asia or couple of years?

Perm at this point.

I don’t know if he’s in love with me

We have vaguely talked about what happens next

I'm afraid you have to have a proper, grown up talk about how each of you are feeling. Be brave enough to tell him what you really want - I think the time to worry about "scaring him off" or "being too heavy" is over - and don't try to second guess what he wants, or hint at what you want.

Best of luck

Woah! Easy tiger!!

For 2 months I’ve been dating a man, I’m completely and utterly in love with him.

Facts are that whoever he is, you simply DO NOT know him.

You’re at that heady stage of the relationship where hope and expectation has not yet given way to reality.

You are not in love with him, you’re excited about the prospect of this new relationship. You’re projecting all your hopes and wishes onto one person.

Sure it could work out, but 8 weeks in, you can only hope, you cannot be sure. The ONLY way to get to know someone is see who they are over time. I wouldn’t even consider this as a relationship personally, not until you’ve passed the 6m stage, and only then it’s the start to see if things could get serious.

Why do I think like this? Because I’ve made mistakes in relationships, I’ve been in and seen many abusive relationships and on average it takes 2 years for an abuser to show colours. Course it can take longer, and can be sooner.

I’m not saying this guys abusive, not at all! I don’t know him.

The point in making here is that neither do you.

Take the initiative to say that you’re very keen on him, but that this soon in the relationship it would be potentially foolish to make commitments, and to see how you both feel over time when apart.

If it’s supposed to be, trust me, it will be.

Have faith in yourself, don’t force this.

It's only 2 months !
Just call it off now , don't get any deeper into the relationship
He's leaving , it's permanent, you cant long distance to Asia , its a miserable way to live , how old are you ?

You have only been dating 2 months, cut your losses and move on. I do know how you feel, the same happened to me, started dating someone and then they decided to take a job the other side of the country and also planned to travel. I was falling for him, we had an amazing connection but I knew if I carried on I would get hurt badly, it was hard, I cried for a few days but I got over it.

Have you ever dreamt of living in that Asian country or even thought of it before meeting him?

It won’t work. Cut your losses now.

category12 - I have and it’s a very real possibility for me in about 6 months.

bigchris - I’m 38. I should have mentioned I’ve been married before and I have 2 kids that I have sole custody of.

This is a crappy situation to be in but unfortunately at 2 months in I feel backing off is the best thing to do especially as you have two kids so upping and marrying someone so soon to move to the other side of the world isn't a great idea.

Sit down and have a proper conversation with him and see where he stands before making a big decision but you need to be realistic with your expectations.

If you had no dependants, I'd say that if you would genuinely choose to go there and live even if he wasn't a factor, then see how it goes as a long-distance relationship.

But having kids makes a difference. A massive one. The risks you can take as a single person, you just can't with children. And what about their relationship with their father?

Have you been single long?
Have you had significant relationships SINCE your marriage ended?

If the answers to these questions is no, this relationship is probably mostly in your head. You have kids. You can’t risk their safety for a bloke you have only known for a few weeks.

Give yourself a shake woman!!

Would you really up root your DCs from their home, family, friends, schools, secure base and drag them to the other side of the world to live with a man who they have never met and you have only known for 8 weeks?

You need to give your head a wobble.

He took the job because that is what matters to him. You don’t and neither do your children. He was shitty to get involved and to lead you on in the circumstances. If he had any backbone he would end it now and get in with his emigration.

As for you, he is leaving you and you can’t follow. So end it now.

The bottom line is that he is leaving you and putting half a world between you. That’s his choice and I’m not surprised he doesn’t want to discuss it with you, it’s hard to justify.

How did you meet?

I wouldn't have gotten involved with a man who was leaving the country.

Are you seriously thinking of relocating your two kids? Taking them away from their friends and school? That's a huge step to even think about with someone you have known for 8 weeks. You guys aren't even engaged. You haven't even been together that long. How much time in hours have you guys even spent together.

Agree this job and emigration has been in the pipeline for at least 6 months before you even met - so his head and heart has been there. Maybe you are miss reading the situation - he might be upbeat because of this exciting new adventure rather than having met you. He knew starting a relationship that could go nowhere was cruel - he is just having his fun.

I would leave this right now before you get even more hurt.

Would you move your kids out there?

Not sure what to say. Not sure what shocks me most - a 38yo who thinks they are totally in love after 8 weeks
Or a mother who would uproot her children based on 8 weeks relationship.
Probably the latter, on balance.

OP - I am sorry, but you need to give your head a wobble.

Given the fact you have children, I'd say you need to write this off, OP. If you were in your 20s and had no other responsibilities it might be different, but it's not like that at all.

As you have kids, I would write it off tbh. Living abroad isn't easy, and it's only been two months.

You would be crazy to even consider going with him, you’ve known him 8 weeks, please don’t put your kids through a big move for some bloke you only met 2 months ago. Let him go.

I was also dating someone who went for what was supposed to be a 9 month placement abroad, then he was coming back here. He got a girlfriend there right away and forgot all about me.
I was crushed and still am, and I know it is really hard but I would say move on from him.
In what circumstances did you meet may I ask ? If it was through OLD, I think it was unfair of him to be online knowing he was leaving.
I hope you will be ok whatever happens but I agree it's best to forget him. Meet someone here and you will not have to put yourself and your kids through the uprooting. Good luck 💐