Lashed out at best friends

[Jessicahop2832]

Currently on a weekend away with my two best girlfriends. I lashed out due to feeling insecure that they would’ve had a better time without me, that they were getting on more than with me. This is ridiculous and I know I’m wrong, depression mindset coming out and a lifetime of feeling insecure in friendships (since 7 I have felt that my friends don’t really like me etc have spoke to therapist about it and am working on, never usually a problem now) Anyway I got annoyed about one tiny comment and as they don’t do confrontation they wanted to just forget it but I felt awful and it was an awkward few hours then it got better. I spoke to them about how I feel and that I know I get insecure about silly things and apologised. Fast forward to next day and somethting else makes me insecure and I lash out again. Making a fool of myself, crying, saying I shouldn’t have come. I wish I could crawl into a hole and disappear. We get back on track but they don’t say much and obviously they are thinking I’m ridiculous. We’ve had a nice day with lots of proper laughs and fun but now tomorrow we go home and I feel awful. I have done this a few times before, immature lashing out, we are 26. I love them but I want to disappear from their lives to save myself the shame. But I don’t because they’re my best friends and only really close friends. Everything has been going smoothly in my life recently, feeling content and happy and the depression that often plagued me has been quiet for a while and I was so looking forward to this weekend and now I don’t know what to do

Is this common place for you? Do you often have trouble self soothing? By that I mean, when we are healthy and have healthy sense of self, if something upsets us that perhaps, shouldn't upset us...we tend to be able to deal with it in a way that doesn't involve lashing out.

In future, maybe remove yourself from the situation for a little bit, or count to ten in your head.

It's like you are assuming your friends mean you harm. Where as (provided they aren't frenemies) they don't. If they are just being a little inconsiderate then that still isn't aimed at hiring you.

Its a simple question of - are your friends good people and do they want what is best for you? If so, instead of lashing out in future, practice taking a time out (and not huff kind of way) then if need be, onve you are calm, talk with them.

If however they ate constantly inconsiderate despite talks with them, perhaps you are picking up on this an need to cut them loose.

• hurting you
• and not in a huff kind of way

I would have thought that your Friends knowing your insecurities ....would talk to you, instead of these awkward silences..

On that basis.. it doesn't sound like they know you atall OP.. or have maybe become exhausted with your insecurities... your lashing out ..

People don't enjoy the company of volatile companions.. it could be fear.. it could be they're fed up.. it could be they just want to go home safe.

You need to ask for help OP, but from professionals. You cannot live like this, or expect other people to be around you like this.