I can’t find him

[User2150555]

In my twenties I had two pretty nice relationships. They weren’t right in the long run and I don’t wan either of them back, although I lived with the most recent.

It’s been 6 years since a proper relationship. In that time I’ve had various false starts, a couple of six month stuff and so many dates!

I’ve done everything that my friends advise, joined clubs, keep online dating, traveled alone and traveled with a tour company, got on with my own life at the same time so I’m not totally desperate for a man!l

I’m now the only person where I work and the only person in my group of friends who is single. I can’t even imagine having a partner let alone being married with a child.

This post maybe sounds a bit idealistic like I want to play happy families...but IRL I get on with stuff and I’m busy and interested in my job and my family and friends. I just can’t find ‘my one.’

Starting to think this is it for me and I’ve been here so many times. Every bonfire night I think oh maybe next year I will be with someone. Maybe I’m doing something wrong?!

I’m embarrassed to even have resorted to an online forum but I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

Hello are you finding dates or just not finding anyone you like on the dates?

Hi,

I was exactly exactly the same at your age. I found him though and we have a beautiful daughter.

Do you know what you're looking for?

You only need one, OP! Keep an open mind.

I’m embarrassed to even have resorted to an online forum

Are you fucking serious?

New dating profile: "I'm so embarassed to resort to online dating"

New job interview: "I'm so embarassed to resort to applying for a new job"

🙄

You're embarrassed to be online dating?

It's the only form of dating nowadays

I would not resort to online dating. But maybe Ebay should have men auctions, that's on line of course,but a bit different !

How old are you?

It doesn’t sound like you are doing anything wrong. You have joined clubs, OLD and you are working and travelling.

Maybe just be honest with friends and family and say if they know of any available men who meet your criteria, could they introduce you to them.

Just take up every offer because you never know if Mr Right might be there waiting for you.

You could borrow a dog at the weekends! You can meet lots of people through walking a dog..... or is that just me?

I have taken up every offer. I get involved in things and I am sociable most of the time.

I feel like it’s just me. It won’t ever happen and it’s my fault. I have dates but I never feel anything.

I think the OP meant she was embarrassed posting on an online forum (Mumsnet) about this...

Do any of your friends have people they could set you up with? It will happen OP, although I realise that won’t make you feel any better right now.

User21, you're only in your twenties. A lot of people feel as you do but you'll meet the right person eventually - probably when you are not looking. Relax and enjoy life, being single can be very good in all sorts of ways; in your case I'm sure it won't be forever.

Well, you’re not alone as I’ve read so so many posts like this lately.

Unfortunately there is no answer which will magically bring somebody into your life as it sounds like you are already doing all the right things. It’s just a matter of keep going I think.

I was single for 7 years from my early 20s. Felt like my singledom would never end. Was convinced it must be me doing something wrong as all the guys I liked never turned into a proper relationship for me. I eventually met DP online dating but it took a long time.

I also think it can be harder when you have good standards as there are certainly a lot of less desirables out there.

I’m not in my twenties. I’m mid thirties. My last proper relationship ended age 29. 5 years ago.

I want to settle down so much, I’m not short of offers but it’s just me...I don’t feel it. I could settle down if I faked it. And that feels so bleak, pretending every day just to have someone in my life.

Woah... just take the pressure off yourself.

You're still in your 30s. You're still young! Or is it the old tick-tock of the biological clock? What is it that you want? A partner? Or a child? Or to sit in, night after night, knackered after being woken up multiple times throughout the night, and arguing about who's turn it is to do the washing up?

Don't be fooled by the rose-tinted glasses of 'being in a relationship'.

And don't ever fake it. Life is too short for that bollocks.

Just chill. Work out how to enjoy your own company. And stop putting so much pressure on yourself. x

Thanks, I feel like I’ve done all that really, I’ve taken off the rose tinted glasses and still feel pretty alone. I want a family but not on my own, just wouldn’t be for me.

It can be tough when everyone else is all coupled-up. I've been that extra person who sits at the end of the dinner table in an extra odd chair. I've been the one overlooked when it comes to invites because I made a party an 'odd number'. And I've also been the one consoling friends when their 'settle for it' relationships have broken up.

Be strong, keep doing what you're doing, be brave, and above all else, be yourself.

Sorry I said you were in your twenties, User, I see in your opening post you said you'd had a couple of boyfriends in your twenties & I just carried the 'twenties' forward without remembering context.

Well, you're still young in your thirties! Thirties are great in so many ways, young, confident, work becomes more interesting. I am sure you will meet someone who is right for you (& you for him). I've known umpteen people in recent years who have married in mid thirties - or even late. My son is forty and last month got engaged to a gorgeous young woman in her thirties, they're all loved up and don't seem a lot different to his father and I when we were in our twenties! Maybe more confident and sensible.

Just remember, there are men out there in your age group who are feeling the same as you, wondering if they've missed the boat and wanting to find 'the right person' with whom to settle down.

Definitely don’t fake it. What is it that you’re looking for that you haven’t found in these other people?

Thanks. I just want someone who gets me...or gets how I think. Someone who is interested in a proper chat rather than going out every weekend to clubs. I don’t know, it’s more the mental connection I’m after.