My Dad makes me feel uncomfortable. I can't quite put my finger on it, but our relationship has never been "normal", i think. I always have an underlying feeling of inferiority to him and always feel as though has a hidden agenda, whether he does or not.
My parents split up properly when i was 11, and their relationship was very turbulent and unhealthy before hand (Dad has had drug misuse issues, mental health issues, violence towards Mum, an affair etc) and Dad left/ moved back in a few times, i'm unsure how many as i can't really remember.
I moved in with Dad when i was 16 as his house was closer to my college and stayed there for a year, while i completed my course, but apart from this hadn't lived with him consistently for many years.
Fast forward to a few years ago and Dad became unwell, asked if he could move in with myself and DH (of 1 year), which in hindsight was a terrible idea, but i sort of felt pressured to agree to it (as he was so unwell), we lived together for 1 awful year and while realising that i actually didn't know him very well prior to this, neither do i really like him very much, i feel unfair for thinking this way, as he was so ill.
Anyway, a few years on, he is very unwell again and despite things having been strained at times, we see eachother every few weeks, but i just feel so tense and weird i don't know how to act around him but don't feel able to just cut contact altogether as, to put it bluntly, he might not have long left, and i don't want to have regrets.
Part of me would like to confront him about some of the historical stuff, but part of me just thinks what's the point? He's just an ill, old man and nobody can undo the past. What would you do?
I just wondered if anyone has any advice, or has been in a similar situation? I don't feel i can speak to anyone about this IRL as nobody knows the history and i don't want anyone to think badly of him.
Thank you.