New relationship after infidelity and divorce - too soon?

[NotAProperGrownUp]

So, in February my ex announced he was in love with his colleague, had been having an affair with her (about 18 months), and was sickened by the though of waking up next to me for another day. I had a few months of mentalness, a few months adjusting and have since bought my own house, got the children settled and managed to stay amicable with my ex as he introduces his ‘new’ partner (obviously, it’s the same person). So - to complicate issues - I’ve met a man I really like. He likes me too and gets that my children are more important than anything else. He’s happy to wait until whenever to meet them. I am, finally, able to be myself in a relationship and, honestly, can’t believe I had resigned myself to horrible sex forever 😂. I’m also full of guilt. I only see new man when the girls are with their dad, wouldn’t introduce them unless I was completely certain it was ok with them (to some extent, I know it’s always going to be tough). I’m loving the whole experience, but it’s sullied by my sense of guilt. Tell me it’s ok?! Or not so I can not mess up my kids anymore than necessary!!

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Am very jealous. Is that okay?

As above: you’re proceeding sensibly and sensitively and deserve some pleasure after what you’ve endured. I really, really hope that this works out for you.

You have your head screwed on OP. Allow yourself to enjoy it!

You sound very sensible and wise. Go forth!

Sounds great - how long have you been together ?

Thank you. But I feel like other people would think it’s too soon? It’s sooner than I’d expected for sure! I feel so bad and so excited at the same time! I love my girls and wouldn’t want them to feel like they’re not enough somehow. Aaargh!

Did you not say that they don't know about him? Yet.

Seriously I felt like that. But recently went on holiday with a mum whose devoted her life to her daughter. And what a caniving little bitch she was. Her mum was wrapped right around her finger.

What you are planning sounds lovely.

Anyway. Where did you meet?

How old are your children? Maybe if they are old enough to talk to about it - they may already now that you have a new man?

I threw exh out in the June. Met now dh in the November.
Been 7 years now.
Been longer than was with exh!!
No rules op.

They don’t know, but they know he is a person I know. We have dogs with the same (weird) name. I actually think they’d be ok with it, it just feels like I’m meant to be in mourning longer?! I know this is stupid!

I'm not sure what you're feeling guilty about?

I wouldn't rush into introductions to your dc, just enjoy what you have for a while, there's no rush.

Does he have any children? Maybe you could all meet up together ?
Thats what I did with my 2. His children were about the same age so we just arranged a play date in a park close by - make this could work?

Mourning what?

Some people are actually mourning. You had a hellish shock and have survived a bastard. And you are smart and have moved on.

You haven't moved him in. You've haven't given him all of your money. You are having fun.

Like pp said. There are no rules.

I got into a new relationship 6 months after separating from my ex, and have been in it for nearly a year. In the early days I often wondered if it was too soon and if I should be on my own for longer, but I just went with the fact that it was (and still is) a lot of fun. New partner met my kids 9 months in, and they knew they was a "friend" from a few months in because I talked about going places with them.

Guess I'm saying, there's no such thing as a "right" time and if you're enjoying it then carry on! Also, I have found it is possible to grieve for and be moving on from an old partner whilst enjoying being with a new one - the two sets of feelings/processing stuff can be quite separate because they are different people and odds on you are a bit different too after the split from your old one.

Oh god, I’m not mourning! I’m pleased I’ve survived the craziness and am coming out the other side. I guess I thought I’d do the single mum thing for a couple of years, but this has blindsided next a bit. I’ll just keep it all separate till it feels ok. I needed the reassurance that I’m not a needy cowbag!

*me, not next? Bloody phone!

So where did you meet him?

how long have you 2 been together? I am assuming that ex has his new woman there when he has the DC?
Are you still friends with your ex and his family on FB ? Is that who you think you should be mourning from?

Crikey OP if you've got a second chance at love grab it with both hands. Anyone who criticises is probably envious.

Actually I am hugely envious. It's been 4 years since I had similar and I've still not met anyone. Enjoy it.

I think it’s okay as you’re not introducing him to the dc. But - I did the same thing and when it went tits up 8 months later the pain was indescribable. It was almost as if I was grieving my marriage all over again. I don’t think I truly learnt how to be on my own until then and I found it incredibly painful. So just be wary, guarded.

Saying that, I did go on to meet now dh a while after that so it’s not all doom and gloom! Been together for 10 years now.

i agree with fairylea - I waited a while before I was sure and that I wanted to make sure that it wasn't a rebound relationship . he lived 30 minutes away from me and he has now moved much closer and although we have been together for 12 months i like having our separate living arrangements for the time being.