My 2 DS stay at their father’s house once a fortnight, usually 4pm Friday until 7pm Saturday. This is all on his terms, and always has been. I have never been able to have a say in when he sees them. This week he changed plans and times 8 times in total.
For context, he is a compulsive liar. He always has been. Our relationship ended when I was pregnant with our youngest due to emotional abuse and infedility on an extreme scale. The sheer amount of lying and the things he lies about makes me think that there is something mentally unwell with him, though I am not sure what the diagnosis would be.
When at his home, the kids sleep on a sofa. They have never had access to a bed. Children informed me that he was awake last night until the early hours gaming, and they struggled to sleep because of the light from the screen. My eldest came home today with peeling lips and a barking cough. Turns out he had only had a sip of a drink in the whole time he was there. (9am yesterday-2pm today). They are never showered/bathed when there, they always come home stinking of what I can only describe as a chip pan fat smell and teeth are often unbrushed. They are given basic beige oven food for meals and small portions, filled up with sweets and junk inbetween. My youngest told me they have only ever had fruit with him once. I told him to make sure the kids returned home with their hats today as they need them for the long walk to school in the morning. Hats were not returned and upon phoning him I was given a mouthful and the phone slammed down on me. Once again I am going to have to replace them at my expense. The kids aren’t really taken anywhere apart from to his mother’s house and sometimes to kick a ball about across the road. From what the children have told me there is little interaction and they are bored. He owns no clothes for them, eldest slept in the clothes I sent him in yesterday, and the youngest wore pyjamas that he complained were too small and tight. I send a bag of clean clothes each time they go, ironed and suitable for the weather. I get the childrens clothes returned stuffed in a bag all inside out and stinking, often things missing. If I don’t send the clothes they will be left in the ones I send them in. He has stolen birthday money given by his side of the family many times, makes so many promises and breaks them, and has continuously let them down since they were babies. He has no involvement in their schooling or hobbies, and no interest to be honest. It feels like he only sees them to keep up appearances with his family.
The situation of my DS having nothing to drink in all that time has tipped me over the edge today. It has broken my heart that they are treated with such little care, and it feels like he is neglecting their needs. I want to stop contact, but am worried about the repercussions. I know the emotional abuse will ramp back up and maintenance witheld.
Any advice will be gladly appreciated. This man has destroyed me, and I have been given a diagnosis of C-PTSD. There are other factors, but he is a huge one. I am scared he is going to affect my childrens mental health too.