How do you deal with being angry towards your husband / SO

[momofpickle]

Hi ladies. The title says it all really.

I’m angry towards my husband again today and it’s a recurring theme. It’s mainly because he spends all day playing rugby and I feel that he puts it ahead of quality family time and jobs that need to be done around the house.

I know he loves me deep down and he’s a great, supportive guy in lots of ways. We share a lot of parenting duties. But he has a stressful job as a director while I freelance from home 3.5 days a week. He’s always leaving early and coming home late, stressed about work and having nights away on training courses or meetings. Constantly preoccupied.

He says rugby is the only thing which keeps him sane but I feel like all he cares about is work or rugby! Week nights (when he’s not at practice) we watch tv and he’s on his laptop planning the team. He’s the coach and the captain- as if he has time for that!!!

I feel resentful that I’m on our own with our son every Saturday. He makes up for it on Sundays by doing the cooking but we’re always arguing over who gets up to give our son breakfast etc. He never takes it upon himself to fix anything around the house or get the vacuum out. He mows the lawn because I have a bad hip.

It sent me over the edge this weekend because he had a stomach bug Friday night and was up all night and still chose to travel 2 hours to play rugby then he stayed out drinking and came home having lost his voice and reeking of booze. Now he’s lying on the sofa and I have no sympathy, I’m just in a rage that he put rugby before his health and I’m being denied my time to myself while he had 12 hours of fun yesterday.

I can’t even talk to him about it because he makes me feel unreasonable. I’m not happy about how angry I am about it and can’t communicate about it without getting upset!

I don’t want to leave my 4yo with him to just watch tv all day because he’s too hungover to do anything with him.

Most weeks I accept that he needs rugby as an outlet but weeks like this I feel like it means my own needs are prevented from being met.

Sorry about the long rant, really needed to let it out. What do you do when you’re angry at your husband?

Rolling your eyes at your partner when they are unhappy and fighting for your relationship is pure contempt. He doesn't want to change and as long as you enable this fuckwittery then he will continue.

Maybe have a truce for a bit - do more of the lovely stuff with him for a few weeks.

Maybe later when you have got him on side get him round the table to draw up a list together (ownership and all that) rather than present a list. Slowly, slowly catch your monkey.

Having done all of the decorating nonsense when working full time with young children I would find the money to invest in family harmony and employ a decorator (cheapest of the trades) - I would also go ahead and tell your DP that you were getting someone in to do the garden tidy.

If there is enough kindness and respect in your relationship don’t squander it - if the money is there buy your way out of the grunt work.......

Thanks for the advice.

Definitely going to use a decorator- already know painting and wallpapering is not our forte! It’s loads of other little things like finding and putting up shelves, fixing a lamp that needs glue, changing lightbulbs! Little and often jobs that all add up.

I think you’re right about just getting a gardener in as a one off at least.. And about not jumping right to the list.