Do people really have perfect husbands out there?

[chickenorbrownspice]

Or are the majority lacking in one area or another?

I love mine beyond words. He is supportive, caring, loving. Finds me attractive when I feel horrendous, is excited by me even now after DC.

But he isn't a conversationalist (I'm extremely chatty and like debates). He does not challenge me intellectually, not because he isn't clever, but again, not big on debates etc.

We are similar in lots of ways, both very clean and tidy people. Both house proud. He is also the cleanest man I've ever met and I'm grateful he is so fabulous about personal hygiene otherwise it would be a definite no.

We don't share similar interests, he is a dedicated soap watcher. I like things such as ITV dramas, something to get me teeth into. He isn't interested and won't watch them with me, and if he does/did he isn't interested in it/won't talk about the programme.

Abuse and treating someone badly is never acceptable. However, would you say lots of men are very 'blokey' in the general sense of the eye roll 'Argh, he's such a bloke'.

Mine is great. He’s supportive, funny, smart, loves me and our dc, makes lots of sacrifices for me and our dc, especially so I can pursue my career (even while he is technically the higher earner). But I do think he’s a rare find. I snapped him up at 21 (we are mid/late 30s now). I don’t think he would have been single for long if I hadn’t been in the right place at the right time.

Mine isn't perfect, but he's perfect for me & I wouldn't be without him. He's never once let me down or caused me hurt in over 30 years together, so I think he's a keeper.

He's pretty darn lovely and puts me and the children first nearly all the time. Not perfect in any way, just a good fit for me.

Mine is a good person who means really well. I like him and that's important.

He is good with the kids and supports /encourages them in their activities. A bit too much sometimes.

He's never really there for me though. Always elsewhere or there but distracted.

He does make porridge and coffee though so that helps.

My DH is decidedly lovely. He loves and appreciates me, and always makes it clear that who and what I am is alright by him, even when it doesn’t suit him.
Here’s an all round decent human with good values and treats everyone with respect. He’s a good dad and husband, though was probably a better dad in the pre teen years. He finds it challenging!

He mucks in and does lots around the house despite working long long hours.

He is not even slightly blokey. I could not be with a blokey bloke.

His down points are he is messy and hordes stuff. ( but great personal hygiene)
He tries to micromanage the children, he’s given up on me though!

My husband is a fundamentally good person. He's faithful, intelligent, attractive, works hard and pays most of our bills.

However, there are certain (fairly trivial I suppose) things that are slowly grinding me down.

I've always been aware that we have some slight differences in things like values and good manners. It never mattered much in the past, but as our children are growing up it's growing more and more irritating. Things like good table manners (or lack thereof) in particular.

My dp can struggle to talk about emotions, doesn't always have names for all emotions. He has to struggle with himself not to change the subject/ make an allegedly mood lightening comment. He comes from a family where you just did not ever acknowledge anyone's feelings so its naturally a shortcoming for him.

He then obviously also has difficulty accepting compliments or kind treatment or expressions of love.

He tends to fret over certain very specific things. But over time I see that this was something he developed as a way to show love, when he was in a family where emotions weren't acknowledged. This is expressed by being distant (still engaged in conversation but you can tell he is "off"), sometimes gruff. He can get very very sad and anxious about loved ones suffering, in particular. But again, on surface looks like gruffness.

He over shops for others, again, a way to express love. He has to ask for help when decluttering, because he struggles to get rid of things that were given to him, in a sense they represent times that he was loved. But he does ask for help!

He is a massively loving person who spent his whole life being trained not to express it, he found other ways to do it that arent always good for him, now he is trying to work out how he could retrace his steps. It isnt easy. He offers me similar support as I take a similar kind of journey, healing from trauma that happened long ago.

Past exes of his have concentrated on how "cool and distant" he is because of the lack of emotional chat, occasional gruffness, etc... when really they just never really knew him.

When you truly know and love someone, you start to see how all their qualities are there for a reason, they're responses to a history that only they know. It makes questions of "being perfect" fall away tbh.

The trick is though that while you're getting to know them, you actually LOOK at them and really see how they are. As long as you're projecting fantasy onto another person, that's a risk of getting into a shit abusive situation where you refuse to see the truth about your partner. If you are honest with yourself about that person, you also make it possible to walk away from them if their way of loving and living doesnt fit with yours.

I've been with my husband 14 years, married 11 years. He's not perfect, but he is.. if that makes sense? We have very similar tastes in things but we differ in others. He hates sport, as do I, we like most of the same tv programmes, we have similar taste in home decor and things like that. He is disorganised, messy and clumsy, I'm very logical, careful and organised. Nobody is perfect because perfect is a matter of opinion, but I think a person can be perfect for you.

I just have no idea about my relationship atm.

I go from hating him to not being able to imagine being without him on a daily basis. In some ways we really suit each other but in others we’re so incompatible.

Pros
He isn’t a sports/ gaming obsessed bloke which I’d hate
He’s anti porn/ sex industry etc
He is kind eg makes tea/ dinner
He looks after me when I’m not well (a lot)
He’s very focussed on the dcs
He’s low maintenance
He’s not naturally clean but does chores/ laundry
He’s supported me through very hard times
We have the same political views
He does most of the life admin
He can lift heavy things!
The dcs love him, they couldn’t be apart from him

Cons
Work shy cocklodger
Never says he loves me
Sexual incompatibility
Poor personal hygiene
We never eat the same thing at the same time
He has no income no assets and no credit rating so can’t even get an overdraft let alone a loan or mortgage

Love how utterly different all these ‘perfect’ DHs are!

Mine does fuck all housework and cooking. He’s arrogant and manipulative at times. Hogs the bedclothes, too.

But he’s the most wonderful man and I love him to bits. After 15 years he still adores me and makes me laugh and challenges me and has given me more than I ever dreamed of - a DC despite all odds, no mean feat as we had a rocky road having a child and I think many men would have just given up. He’s a true feminist, too.

And I like how he smells. That’s quite possibly the most important bit.

I imagine some people have pretty perfect partners. Mine isnt. Hes an absolute cock at times and as mentally unstable as me.

And I like how he smells. That’s quite possibly the most important bit an underrated truth

Mine is perfect. After a very toxic first marriage I feel so grateful everyday.

No such thing as the perfect husband, and no such thing as the perfect wife. But they can be good enough.

As everyone else has said, of course nobody is perfect. I think my DH is perfect for me but I’m sure others would dislike him.
I am happy he’s not into watching football/rugby as I couldn’t tolerate a partner who was obsessed with watching sports. I hate it. He’s kind, funny, calm, has his hobbies but doesn’t let them take over which is a big thing for me. I know so many people absolutely consumed by their hobbies and it causes friction in their relationships. He’s a great dad to our DC, a hard worker and good provider and for some reason seems to adore me even though I definitely have more than a few faults. I’m sure I would piss many men off, but my DH is perfect for me and I like to think I’m perfect for him. We aren’t exactly alike but we aren’t too different overall so I think we make a good team.
Everyone has their own wants and needs from their partners so what is perfect will vary from person to person.

So, just to clarify... your idea of a perfect man is a male version of yourself? Same interests, personality etc? How boring!

Not sure if this was directed at me, but although dh and I like the same kinds of books, films etc, we have very very different personalities/temperaments but which complement each other pretty well!

My husband likes to game.. it pisses me off. I'm quite into fitness and am training for the great north run next year.. I suggested we do it together but he declined.

We went out for dinner last week and it was boring, I miss having a conversation and a flirt.

If I'm being totally honest if it wasn't for the kids I'd leave...

Mine is not perfect but near and I have to remind myself not to take him for granted, especially after my abusive ex. He’s intelligent, worldly, sociable and excessively kind. His only failing is he lets those he loves walk all over him and treat him poorly.

Nobody perfect :)

My DH has forgotten our wedding anniversary (16years !!) again - he remembered last year but not the year before! He also has a tendency to forget my birthday date - will come home saying I know we have something on that date but can’t remember...umm my birthday! More than once!! It’s all in his diary so no idea why he forgets!

He has other faults as do I but it’s a balance working on our relationship & nothing major.

He shares parenting - he probably could have progressed further in his career but has chosen not to ensure that he can be around - sports days/ helps with school drop off or pick ups. This has enabled me to work - we both equal in that side of things. Though i still do a lot of the childcare arrangements- recently though the school can have two emails for children and he is now more in the know. Confirming that he can cover staff training days etc.

24NormaBean

He shoots targets, not animals and coarse fishes so returns everything alive to the water.
Sorry, should have specified. He doesn't kill anything

I don't think anyone is perfect but as long as the relationship works and you love each other then that's enough in my opinion.

My DH is a great conversationalist and good communicator, he cares about me and loves me, he does things around the house without me having to mention it, he's handsome, generous, kind and funny. He's good at fixing things and saying the right thing.

He's got his flaws but so does everyone.

He sounds great OP, I don't think one person should fit all of your social needs, such as being intellectually challenged (if that's what you want).

By that logic surely you aren't the perfect wife either? You don't have similar interests to him, you probably don't watch the soaps with him etc.

My DH was perfect for me, but not perfect in himself. We complemented each other. He was tolerant and unfailingly kind and generous, funny, handsome, a great cook, good in bed, very hands on dad, an equal partner in every way - he didn't expect me to run round after him and do wife work, if her saw something needed doing he would crack on with it. He would also do anything for anyone he loved, even driving down to Dover in the middle of the night to deliver DS's and his friend's passports to them so they could get on the ferry to France (both thought they had been included on the school's group passport and didn't take their own). He was a true gent.

He was also grumpy, always right, smoked and had a moustache, both of which I hated. He wasn't widely read, and when I talked about books wouldn't have a clue what I was on about (undiagnosed dyslexic who stopped reading when he left school because it was difficult). But he knew so much about classical music and I found out just before he died that he used to play the clarinet and piano, which astounded me given his background.

This has turned into an essay. But I loved the bones of that man and while he wasn't perfect (nobody is after all) he was the one, my person, and I miss him so much it is a physical pain.