Nc for this as the last thing I want is to be outed.
Not sure where to start, but I have had a ‘friends with benefits’ type situation with a (much older) man I work with (not in the same building but have to see each other often) for a few months now.
We were good friends beforehand, but this started after I split with ex p earlier this year. I thought I would be fine with this, as I absolutely don’t want a relationship, however I’ve developed quite strong feelings for him.
I’ve tried to break it off a few times and just remain friends however it keeps starting back up again. The whole thing has given me my confidence back, and a big ego boost knowing that actually someone was interested in me, as I have been struggling with self confidence and feeling depressed and anxious for years now (which he knows).
However, the situation just isn’t great. It’s never going to be anything more than what it is now, he’s said a few times it could never be anything more due to age gap, distance, family circs etc but I guess I’m just hoping he feels the same as I do, which he clearly doesn’t or else he would have made a bigger effort. Everytime I bring this up I get told to stop being silly, and that I’m looking too deep into things and that he’s just not one to talk about feelings etc.
His actions lead me to believe he does have some feelings for me, but then he will do or say something that makes me think otherwise.
Anyway, to top it all off I’ve recently found out that he’s got a fucking girlfriend. So I obviously have to break it off. I can’t be a part of that (although I already have albeit unknowingly). He knows that I know, and has given the whole ‘she doesn’t sleep with me, it’s not like it is with you, blah blah’, so I said well if you’re that miserable break up with her and give her a chance to be happy with someone who deserves her then. Yet he won’t, and comes back to the ‘age gap, distance’ bollocks.
I just don’t know what to do. I know what I have to do but feelings are making it hard. Coupled with the fact that we’re such good friends, it be mourning the loss of that too. We speak every day, about everything. We both work in a high stress job too so sound off to each other about that aswell.
I just feel like absolute crap over it all to be honest. For his girlfriend and for myself. I never would have got involved with him at all, even as friends if I’d have known what an absolute mess it would go on to create.
Has anyone been through similar? Or has any advice?