I get no say anyway.

[NoFun21]

Does anyone else have an ex Dh who will throw this statement out despite you lways filling him in and consulting on everything? And this despite him never really enquiring about anything. How do you respond/ react?

I just think it’s so passive aggressive and I do t know if the best reaction is to ignore it or to list all the things about which I have consulted him and he has agreed and all the opportunity he has had to research options and have a say but he has chosen to just go along with me and then criticise occasionally and then when angry say that he has had no say in anything . Should I rise to it?

Depends what the subject is - he has no say in your life however important things in his child’s life he does.

What is he saying he has no say in?

I get this thrown at me occasionally. I just ignore it, engaging and listing all the reasons why it isn’t true just starts a row; it’s not like your ex is likely to listen to what you say and then admit he was wrong. Mine doesn’t lol

Tomeforachange2020 there is no real subject .

It depends what you mean by consult. Some people will consult by just telling and selling or offering limited options with a strong recommendation. Maybe you are deciding on what you do and then asking him to decide on how you do it. There are lots of variations on consulting that can leave people thinking that don’t have a say and are being railroaded.

I’m not saying this is the case but it’s worth reflecting upon. He’s your husband and you have to live together and get on. Being dismissive of his feelings and opinion could drive a wedge between you.

I wouldn’t ignore it or rise to it or make a list. I would acknowledge that you have heard what he said and you will think about it. Then look at how you made a joint major or minor decision together. Having someone neutral go through it with you would give you insight.

Being passive aggressive means he isn’t asserting himself. That might be his personality or an issue with your joint dynamic. It’s probably both.

You have my sympathies!
My ex would not make a decision. He preferred to complain and moan about whatever I decided.
ie. "What film do you want to see?" he would say "I don't know."
In the supermarket, "What do you fancy for dinner?" shrug shoulders.
Because we had children I would step up and make all the decisions. Looking back, I don't think I did them or him any favours. I guess if I faced it again, I would turn the choice over to him and just wait for a decision. And wait without comment.
This passive aggressive quality of his was just one of the reasons I divorced him.

Well if there’s no real subject ie school they go to, medical appointments/medication or contact arrangements - then I would say just ignore.

He does not have a problem with asserting himself. We are separated. I just find it grossly insulting as I am dealing with everything myself and running things by him all the time- when I’m not expressing any frustration then all my decisions are great and then if I’m at all cross with him it’s: “well I don’t have a say anyway”

Why are you running things by him all the time? It should only be the major things. Why are you cross with him?

Sounds like to need to detach and pick your battles.