In your opinion, what makes a decent man?

[Idontknowwhattodo2]

Not just decent man, but decent partner, husband and father? What qualities do you need, what should you expect and what shouldn’t you accept?

Kindness, patience. Someone loving.

I think sharing a similar outlook is important too.

Someone who's hobbies and interests you can enjoy/ tolerate (I'm looking at you, Football!)

Someone who is also wanting a team mate. Someone who makes you want to be the best person that you can be.

Someone who you think would be a great father. Someone reliable with their priorities in order. Not a man-child.

Sense of humour, having a team mate, being affectionate and just someone that you couldn't imagine life without

Someone who actively loves their friends and family and their partner ... not just bangs on about how fucking loving they are. Less talky, more walky.

Someone who is still likeable, even lovable, when I need a bad mood. If he is still decent at his worst then you likely have what we should all expect!

*when they are in a bad mood
Don’t know where I need a bad mood came from 😂

Genuine kindness, loyalty and viewing me as an equal.
I won’t accept condescension, if someone thought they were better than me they could sod right off.

Yes, actions are more important than all the romantic fluffy stuff. Does he turn up when he says he will, does he try hard, work hard, is he gentle and patient with DC /animals. Intelligence and a good sense of humour helps too! Is he kind? Kindness is hugely important.

My DH drives me nuts in many ways (he is messy and can't really be contained in a house, or even in one town, or one country) but the thing I like and admire about him is that, whatever life throws at him (and it's thrown quite a lot!) he never stops trying and never gives up and he is always positive and optimistic.

Kind, loyal, supportive, motivated, funny and respectful

Kind
Funny
Happy to pitch in with things
Supportive when things aren’t going well
Generous
Loyal
Loving

Don't accept toddler style tantrums, don't accept sulking, don't accept anyone trying to blame you for their reactions to you.

A man who doesn't degrade you, put you down in private or in company.
Who makes you feel safe and loved, not afraid or like you're threading on egg shells.
Someone you can be goofy around, cry with and snuggle up with .
Someone who's loyal and loving. Not afraid to open up to you.
Shares you're picture of the future and your morals .
Not afraid of hard work.
Not too needy or controlling.
Not jealous but let's you know what you mean to them .

A team mate and partner, someone to work side by side with in your life. Not someone who sees it as “helping out” or “pitching in” but simply wants to do what needs to be done as well as the fun stuff.
Loving and kind not clingy and suffocating. Someone who is proud of our achievements both together and individually.

@Designerenvy puts it well. Also, he should always be there for you when you really need him and always fight your corner if needed.

Genuine
Kind
Loyal
Affectionate
Trustworthy
Interested
Interesting
Attractive
Confident

Shared values and vision. Ability to compromise. Sometimes selfless. Strong and able to take responsibility, or to share decision making. Willing to make sacrifices. Honest, dependable, funny and happy to give me two thirds of the duvet.

Exactly the same things that make a decent woman, and a decent partner, wife and mother.

An actual grown up who behaves like a grown up and treats people with respect.

When I first met my dh, the thing that set him apart from all the other guys I’d dated was that he kept his word. If he said we’d meet up after work on Tuesday at 6pm, he was there at 5:59. And when I needed him, he was a rock. I/we went through a fairly traumatic experience about 6 months into our relationship. I developed what now realise was PTSD. He pretty much didn’t leave my side except when we were at work for at least a month or more.

We’ve been together 11 years now. As life has changed over the years, the one thing that I think has made the most difference is that he has always supported me. He has a great career and is very successful and is currently the higher earner of the two of us, but through two small children, he has always made it possible for my career to also be a priority. He pretty much solo parents while I work away part of every week. My career and my ambitions are really important to me and he has always been my biggest cheerleader (as I have been for him while he built his career). Neither of us would be able to do what we live without the other being an engaged and present parent and I’m very thankful for that.

Self sacrificing
Generous
Aware of his privileges and uses them to help the less fortunate
Loving
Modest
Devoted / loyal
Hard-working
Highly sexed

So many wise words here! I have started to cut and paste and build a note on my phone to myself. What a great thread!

Someone who treats you like an equal human being. That sounds like a pretty basic, low-bar requirement, but there are a huge number of threads on here that show how many men do not do this.

If I found myself single again, I'd probably want to stay that way. But if I did look for a new partner, I'd run a mile from any man who tried to 'treat me like a princess', any man who showed the slightest sign of sexism or hung out with sexist mates, any man who smoked or took drugs, any man who had problematic family relationships, claimed to have 'crazy exes' or didn't have a sensible job. That's just for starters!

I think kindness is often under-rated. Not the sort of kindness where some idiot buys a homeless person a sausage roll then posts on social media about it for likes, but a gentler sort of kindness that doesn’t always get recognised.

Having principles and having enough strength of character to stand up to their mates if they need to.

Someone to whom family is important and they’d be willing to scrub toilets in KFC if it kept a roof over their children’s heads.

Someone who genuinely likes women. I’m not talking about flirting or being afraid to be on their own, but someone who doesn’t think that women are ‘lesser’ than him. Someone who calls out other men on their inappropriate comments or behaviour.

All of the above. And integrity.