Alone, we broke up, I have no friends

[jane2210]

I know others have found themselves in this situation...

10 years ago I broke up with my little ones dad, I was quite young when I fell pregnant and friendships broke down, I found when we broke up that I am pretty much friendless. I did have one close friend to rely on so I wasn’t completely alone.

A few years Later I found a new partner now it’s over. This time I don’t even have one friend, (previous one has moved to Australia, we touch base now and then) I feel so alone and pathetic that I’ve managed to get to the age of 30 and have no friends.

This is much, much more common that you'd think - particularly for mothers, more particularly where there has been an isolating relationship.

It's not you, you will make new friends eventually.

Op... im in my 30s, have 2 kids and in the exact boat as you (my longterm relationship is crumbling down) and then ill just go to work , be with my kids or go places alone. I dony hace any family here either. i dont know anyone in my situation although when reading here there seems to be a fair few. We need to start doing meet ups, like seriously.. proseco nights or something ...

I think it's much hard to form friendships as you get older. Have you tried the meet up app?

You need to make friends in that case!

What are your interests? Not necessarily what you like to do as with kids and no friends atm you may not do a great deal beyond work and family, but what takes your fancy that you’d like to try?

Have a look at what’s going on in your area. Are your kids at school? You could look into a choir, walking group, meet up groups, volunteering, going along to local free events and chatting to new people, kids groups where you make an effort to talk to the other parents, book club, getting involved in your community?

When I moved to a new area a few years back and didn’t know anyone nearby I joined a local group based around one of my passions (animal rights) on fb and posted that I was new to the city and wanted to meet new people and explore if anyone fancied getting coffee. A load of people replied offering to meet up! I met with one in particular, we really hit it off and have been practically best friends ever since, plus I’ve met people through her and formed a friendship group with a few of her other friends who didn’t know one another and her. As an adult the other ways I’ve made new good friends have been voluntary jobs, and going to see bands and befriending fellow fans, the odd friend through work who I’ve got on with then we’ve met up for a drink after work.

Making friends as an adult isn’t always easy but it’s possible: you have to get out there though and be proactive as they don’t just drop onto your sofa while you’re at home. Try see it as just meeting new people for the fun of it rather than putting pressure on any new person to ‘become a friend’, it takes time to build those relationships but you gotta start somewhere.

What ideas have you had to make friends?

Oh bless you op- what region are you based in? if you’re anywhere near me I’d be happy to do coffee, pretty sure a lot of people have the same issue. Once you have kids a lot of friends tend to drift away.

I'm the same, in my 30s and no friends. I lost the few acquaintances I had when my marriage broke down as he got in with his lies before I spoke to them.

I'm terrible at making friends and I don't have time for hobbies. I'm currently pregnant and have no one to tell .
Luckily my new partner is almost friendless too so I don't feel too weird about it.

Oh op
Same here. Relationship ended last week. I have a handful of friends but that's all.

Like Royally I'm happy to meet if we are anywhere near each other.

I no how you feel I am literally friend less have people I no and have small talk with when you see eachover but nothing more

You aren't alone. I'm seriously wondering what clubs I can join, they seem to all be 70 + at book clubs and the like around here. I'm lonely. I actually wonder if we post a vague location (change user name perhaps) then people can pm and get some social groups together... (meet in a public place etc for safety)

So I'm in the Midlands

I'm late 40s and in the same boat op. No idea how to meet people now .

I have one who lives hours away so it's not like I see them all the time. Another who lives in the next city but see about 4 times a year if I'm lucky

So yes it's lonely (I'm single with child)

I don't know what is. Maybe I'm just not like everyone else I don't know.

Im nw London if anyones interested but can go to different london areas.

Have you thought about your local ParkRun? You don’t have to run but volunteering is a great way to meet people. There is always a coffee after the event and everyone is so friendly and welcoming.

I know it’s about being proactive... taking that first step, I appear to be confident but internally I just want to die of embarrassment. It’s a vicious circle..
Eg
Me: “I need to be confident and meet new people”
New person “meet up?”
Also Me: oh God how humiliating, only meeting me out of sympathy, no one actually likes me... “Sorry busy”

Honestly helps to know I’m not the only one. Genuinely taking onboard advice. Like venting to a friend, instead 4 walls or the dog!

Sp.. instead of

.... to be honest, I just want a pal to go to the pub with, get dressed up, get tipsy and go home.

I’m not after a deep meaningful friendship. I just want to get drunk and laugh. To be fair most of the time I like being on my own. I need a friend, like once a month haha!

I'm in Berkshire if that's any use to anyone.

Cumbria here, would welcome a friend, split from DD's dad last year, tonight is another Saturday night home alone...

Im in Berkshire, if you live anywhere near.

Op; if your on FB there’s a single parents group who organise local meet ups. Maybe worth a look. (SPS Social UK - a part of the single parents support)

SueDoeName - love your witty username. I'm same age as you, in E.Midlands - anywhere near you?
Have a few friends but scattered around, only one locally (I've moved not long ago) - so it's still at a growing friendship stage, she' s quite busy with her partner and existing friends etc, so would be good to expand a bit.

stucknoeu, maybe you could be the organiser for a midlands group? it's a big area of course.

I’m in the north east if that’s helpful to anyone 🙂

Those thoughts you have as soon as the opportunity to meet up comes up suggest quite low self esteem or perhaps some social anxiety OP. Have you ever been assessed for either? if those thinking patterns are part of what’s blocking you from taking steps to make new friends you can actually learn to identify and challenge them via CBT and learn more adaptive, realistic thoughts that support your goals!