unreasonable? - neighbours have complained about ds's early waking...

[serenequeen]

as their bedroom adjoins ds's room and they are being woken up early. they have suggested we move him to another room in our house to avoid disturbing them. we have/are already trying methods of getting him to sleep later and are generally as considerate as we can be about noise etc.

i feel for them but also feel about this.

serenequeen - children will be children and if your ds's bodyclock is set at a certain time then i doubt there's much you can do about it, surely if your neighbours have kids or have had kids they understand this? Both my dd's always wake around 6am no matter what time i put them to bed and as long as your ds isn't playing ridiculously loud music in the early hours then i'd simply leave this problem as your neighbours problem not yours. Why can't they invest in some industrial ear plugs if it's really bothering them that much? If it would make you relax more and stop you waking early worrying about his noise etc then i would move his bedroom but only if you think it's right.

Blu, I didn't mean tell 'em to eff off literally. Really I didn't. I just thought they should be given short shrift. Shoulda typed that really I guess.

WWW. Yes, sorry - I am being over-sensitive, I think! It's just that I have found myself on a few threads recently where MN-ers seem to take a line in immediate assertiveness that makes me worry that I am as unconfrontational as a plate of warm lettuce.

SQ, in the scheme of things in vibrant S London, there is no ay you and your lovely family could possibly come close to being bad neighbours!

i live in a new house with thin walls and hear some of the stuff that go's on next door, but i understand they are just getting on with everyday life and not intending to upset any one, equally so, my nieghbour9has ds 6 & dd 3) has agreed that she has heard my dd crying but was very nice saying that, thats what they do, when i mentioned controlled crying and said i was putting it off becasue of noise, she said not to be daft and that if it needs doing it needs doing and she had to do it with her son!
its hard enough settling a little one, especially if you have not long moved..dont diturb him anymore, maybe move his cot around(cant see it making much difference?)but ffs, a childs questioning on a morning are hardley cause for a fall out, if they come again, explain about moving dd and what that would cause, if they can ask you to move his room, ask the miserable buggers to move thiers or buy ear plus, that not half as cheeky as telling you how to parent! good luck

For goodness' sake! If you live in terraced housing you have to accept a certain degree of noise from neighbours. We live in a Victorian terrace and when doing CC (several times) with DS I was really worried what the nieghbours would say, though fortunately no one ever did. Now we have new neighbours with a noisy dog that barks at 4am, and after 7 solid weeks of this I've only JUST mentioned it to them ,and even then felt a bit embarrassed doing so!

I would make the right sorts of noises to these nighbours of yours, but very much along the lines of "Yes it is horrible for us while he's waking so early, so we're doing all we can to remedy the situation. These things can get worse before they get better and we really feel that moving [your child's] room would only unsettle him further. Still, at least you can lie in in the mornings!"

Honestly, we have a women's refuge opposite us, full on teenage mums who play incredibly loud music with all windows open whatever the weather... and in 3 years I've never once complained about the bloody racket. Life's too short.

I think it's unreasonable for them to expect you to move your ds to another room. However if it was only a vague suggestion from a couple with no experienece of children, then hopefully they are not as bad as they appear.

I too would make polite noises but do nothing. That's the only thing you can do, really. But if you can bear it, can you get talking to them in some other way, to get the measure of them? They may be fussy, impossile neighbours best avoided, so it's good to know this asap. But if they are half way decent, showing them what a nice family you are and how willing you are to be friends with them makes life much easier all round. It could just be possible they have had noisy neighbour problems in the past and are extra sensitive to this.

Serenequeen, I wouldn't worry too much. We went through this too and were even threatened with eviction!! The complaint came, of course, from childless neighbours who said that they worked full time and needed their sleep, when I pointed out to them that so did DH and me that shut them up a bit and when I told them to go ahead and get us evicted that shut them up even more. I also said that the noise was normal for a young baby and wasn't worrying me so if they had a problem they should move their bedroom. Stand your ground, you are doing nothing wrong!!

sq, if your ds is just wondering whether it is morning yet, could you get him one of those bunny clocks with the eyes that open when it's time to get up? Might work!

I always think that people who don't like the noise of a cock crowing shouldn't live in the countryside, and people who don't like the sound of babies crying shouldn't live next door to them.
As long as it's a normal level of noise, unassisted by instruments or machinery, it's just one of the things neighbours have to put up with. You could change the bedroom if you had a big enough house where it makes no difference where the cot is, but I suspect that in common with most people, your DS's room is where it is because that is the most convenient and realistic place for your household. Your neighbours don't have the right to tell you to arrange your household to suit them. The funny thing is, if you were playing loud music, they probably wouldn't be so forward in complaining.

Serenequeen,

Would also just make polite noises and do nothing further.

With best wishes

P.S I have a story re drum kits. A man came to my door one lunchtime and asked if I had an objections to his son playing the drums for 30 minutes one day a week at 4.30 in the afternoon. This man was going around all the neighbours seeking opinion (as one neighbour who lives opposite this man's house had complained about the noise at 4.30pm).

I said I had no objection whatsoever, I also went on to point out that I had heard this boy drumming in the afternoons and aprat from thinking he was practising to be the new Phil Collins I did not give it a second thought. I would rather this boy do something constructive like this than hang around on street corners being bored.

Well quite, 808State. What a very good policy, to go around all your neighbours first and explain that DS has drum kit, needs to practice, when would be the best time for them? That way, DS gets to practice, neighbours get to voice their opinions and know it's a limited time so put up with it, compromise is reached. The ideal neighbourhood!

thanks v. much everyone

feel better today - will keep on trying to get him to sleep later and trying to be as quiet as poss in his room in the am.

re the bunny clock - we're on our second one! we returned the first one and this one isn't very reliable either. plus he has black out curtains (another strategy to prevent early waking) so it's actually difficult to see when bunny has woken up anyway. for my next trick... i'm going to get a lamp and/or clock radio on a timer switch and try that...

obviously the volume on the radio will be set v.v.v. low

Just thought SereneQueen - you could point out to your neighbours that as the clocks will go back soon and it will be darker in the mornings, DS will wake later, so it may not be a problem at all in a month or so.

sq I use a timer with a plug in light - it has worked pretty well for us.

Yes, that's the trouble with bunny clocks - they can't see them when they wake up early! Didn't think of that when I bought one!

Meanbean, isn't the problem about to get worse, rather than better? I can never work this out, but what is now 6 a.m will become 5 a.m, won't it?

Oops - misread and thought it was dd crying causing the problem. They might be OK to speak to you about it then, especially if it was done nicely.
If he's waking up anyway despite the blackout curtains it sounds as if it is not light but his body clock waking him. So could you try leaving a light on in his room, and then telling him it's perfectly OK to wake early as long as he plays quietly (leave books by his bed maybe) until a set time. (As per bunny clock which he will be able to see)

Blu you're right. I was just thinking that maybe as it's darker, he might sleep more. But if he doesn't respond to blackout curtains that might not be the case...

KS, PMSL! Did the police actually come out? Did they arrest the baby?!