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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice

8 replies

Trixiec72 · 08/11/2019 23:05

I have been with my husband for just over two years, we were just married August 24, 2019. We lived in different cities but he made significantly more than I did so I quit my job of 10 years, sold everything I owed and moved to be with him.

Since moving every time there is something bothering me or that I want to discuss he makes the issues about me as opposed to the problem I am trying to fix.

Ex. Three weeks before our wedding he got an email confirming deletion of a dating site profile and several emails of half naked woman that he claims to not know where they came from. I stumbled across this stuff while trying to delete a draft for a job I was applying for, were in his inbox and both had been read. When I asked him (he says I accused him) about it his first response was to ask me why I'm with him if I don't trust him and to tell me he's "done" with me … he cant be with someone who doesn't trust him

I am not a distrusting person, all I wanted to know is what/where they came from and why, I wasn't accusing him of anything .. I simply asked him to explain.

In the last 7 months he called off our wedding (we did end up getting married), told me hes done and I should go on 5 different occasions each time was a situation where I asked him about one thing or another.

He asked me to leave again last week soooo I frickin did thinking it might scare him, open up the lines of communication but … nothing. I have not heard a word from him and now I'm panicking.

Your thoughts?

OP posts:
SilverOtter · 08/11/2019 23:18

He sounds like a narcissist or at the very least, extremely self-centred! I suspect he is waiting for (and expecting) you to make the first move.

bluebell34567 · 08/11/2019 23:19

its not going well. and i doubt it will go well.

Singlenotsingle · 08/11/2019 23:21

He didn't actually want to get married did he?

BumbleBeee69 · 08/11/2019 23:23

He's telling you to leave... over and over and over.. all to avoid confrontation about who he truly is....

Leave Flowers

Walnutwhipster · 08/11/2019 23:23

He's shown you who he is, believe him.

Savingforarainyday · 08/11/2019 23:25

Do you want this for the rest of your life?

Trixiec72 · 08/11/2019 23:25

I think he did want to get married that's the thing. I wanted a very small, intimate wedding … he wanted HUGE … we have a great relationship until theres an issue .. then his first reaction is to bail .. rather then fix the problem … scare the shit outta me by saying its over and I shut up … get rid of the problem, don't solve it.

You are right, he is likely sitting there waiting for me to make the first move but I'm not going to this time … I should not have to beg him to want to make this work/look for a solution/prove my value or commitment … to say it isn't going well is a gross understatement of the current events

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 08/11/2019 23:52

scare the shit outta me by saying its over and I shut up

He uses it as a means of controlling you... read what you wrote OP. Flowers

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