He's fit I'm fat

[Youonlyhadonejob]

DH and I have been together for 22 years / he was only 23 and I was knocking on the door of 31 and it sounds cringy now but we got on!
Fast forward to present day and he looks better than he did when we first met but I look lIke shit. I had a cancer scare which involved having a total hysterectomy and now taking synthetic HRT to keep my bones right.
I look like shit. I am 5 foot 5 and 14 +stone and I've given up .
He looks better than ever and our sex life (which used to be fabulous) is non existent.
He says he loves me but I feel so unloved because rather than come to bed with me he'd rather play on the X box or watch a movie on TV

@Youonlyhadonejob you sound like you don't have a lot of love for yourself right now.

If its your weight that's making you feel unattractive then I would start making small life changes to make you feel better. It doesn't have to be weight related, go and buy some new makeup, get your hair done, go to a hobby you have always wanted to do.

It sounds cliche but if you don't love yourself and spend your time talking about how unattractive you are, you must understand that that's probably not a turn on for your spouse, especially when you get down to business as you might feel uncomfortable/self conscious.

You have to learn how to love yourself. I am a size 20 and I feel gorgeous every single day, genuinely. My husband is extremely physically fit but finds my confidence extremely attractive (as well as my body). I hope you get your sparkle back OP

It’s probably not a reflection of your size but more your a settled couple now

Hi Youonly, wow your life is very similar to mine, DH was 20 I was 31 when we met. 21 years later and 2 kids, I'm about to hit 52, he's 41. I have also put in quite a bit of weight recently and feel really old and frumpy, I have started weight watchers not cause DH makes me feel fat but because I know I am so much happier a couple of stone lighter. You need to take control of your own happiness, loosing weight is one aspect of that, go to the gym or even just walking would be a start. If you feel crap about yourself then everyone else will react to that . It's up to you to take the control back again

I definitely think it's my size because I repulse myself so he's never said anything but it's the elephant in the room (excuse pun)
I know we have an age gap but before I got Ill our physical relationship was amazing. Now it's practically non existent .

OP, that mindset is a really vicious circle. You put on weight so you feel down about yourself which makes anyone look and feel even less attractive.
Start making a big effort every day to look the best you can at your current weight. Buy some really nice clothes in good colours that accentuate your best parts (extra weight normally means bigger boobs and I don't know a man who isn't happy about that!) Have a good hair cut. If you wear make up, wear it every day. Same with accessories. A bit of jewellery looks like some effort has gone into the outfit.

And lose some weight if you can. Try also doing a 5-10 minute HIIT workout a few times a week from youtube. You feel stringer within days and get noticable muscle definition within a week or so. It's so motivating.

I was in town the other day feeling so fat counting all the women who walked by who were slimmer than me (about 90% of them all) and feeling so down. Then I left the shopping centre and saw a couple outside. The man was slim and nice looking. The woman was obese. They were walking hand in hand, so happily. As they passed I overheard him complimenting her. I saw them later too and they looked so affectionate. There's no rule to say you can't be lovable or desired when you are large by a man who is young and fit.

How is your health now? Is your diet good? Does he attend a gym?
You could try and work towards a healthier lifestyle. This could help improve your confidence and help in weight loss.

I honestly think that men are less interested in that kind of stuff than we think. I have a few obese friends who are loved and/or sexually desired.

You seem to have shut him out. Reading between the lines, anyway. That is sad for both of you. I think that counselling is the next step.