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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

15 years married and want to get out

5 replies

jayshm · 08/11/2019 16:06

dont know if anyone can help me.
i been married for 15yrs with a wonderful 11 year old son. first 5 yrs was good but still used to fight a lot as his side of the family was always important and never my side, husband was arrogant and always thought that he was right and moody. He never let me visit folks as much as i wanted to even when my mother wasnt well. He wld always say all will be fine and shower me with gifts. Went bankrupt after 5 years and had to move back to uk ( i am from dubai) this hit him hard. my son was only a year old or so, while he was paying back debts i started working. he was always self employed cos of the nature of his job. I stuck by him through thick and thin encouraged him everyway possible that we 3 can build life again. but he just drowned his stress which landed him in bed for 3 months due to ptsd and anxiety. just to add till date i dont know about my husband's money, savings where and what. He has hid a lot from me and i dont trust him where money is concerned. he even lied about my passport that when he never gave it to do for which he said he needed the money which he took from me. 15 years i have paid and done a lot for my husband, but he took me for granted and started drinking and talking negative. since the last 4 years i have drifted and did my own stuff with my child and taking holidays back to india and dubai, which didnt go down well. he even disrespted my folks when they came down drank and fought. in that course of time his best friend was very supportive of me and we started talking a lot and saw i was being treated and been mentally and emotionally absused for the last 10 years, my husband found out and didnt take it well. i gave up on my husband i got fed up and asked for divorce recently, bcos he taken me for granted and never thought i wld want to leave, its hit him and hard and now he is trying to change and get counselling, which i asked to do 5 years back. he begged me to stay and give it a go, i said ok only 2 to 3 months but i know deep within i cant stay anymore as its too late. i feel i have wasted many years of my life fixing this marriage that i dont know who i am anymore. i just want to break free and feel strongly that i be happy without him. I care for him and love him as a friend but i am not in love with him. I dont want to feel guilty and stay in this for my son, i was doing it for many years. any good advise ... please help ...upset and confused

OP posts:
dustybrother · 08/11/2019 16:10

I just wanted to say I’m in a similar position op and it’s so difficult isn’t it. I don’t have a solution other than what others have said to me, namely have you discussed it all out?

Middersweekly · 08/11/2019 16:15

Bless you! You sound at your wits end and he has treated you appallingly! 15 years is a long time to put up with his erratic and damaging behavior. It’s time you broke free and made a life for yourself. You and your son deserve better and you will find happiness again, far far away from him I hope.

jayshm · 08/11/2019 16:15

i am giving it 2 to 3 month as i am agian gong with my son to dubai and india but the thing is my husband thinks i am staying for good and blocking the fact that i am giving it a go. sometimes they are in denial and cant accept that the relationship was over sometime back. we are opps, we donthave anyting to talk about, we dont have fun. i am made up my mind of leaving just need my folks around asi dont have anyone here.

OP posts:
jayshm · 08/11/2019 16:17

i also feel why is it when i begged and pleaded to him to sober up and work towards us he didnt and now just bcos he wasnts me to stay in one go i should stay. he begged not to tell his best fiends wife that i speak to him he went and told her, he broke my trust and that woman started abusing me. so basically my husband gave her license, he thinks he protected me.

OP posts:
jayshm · 10/11/2019 10:25

I have discussed my folks and my close ones say get out since u over the top with it.

OP posts:
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