Finding my friend too much

[Jadex1]

I'm maybe being harsh but it's just a feeling I get. When we were younger she was sadly bullied quite a lot, as was I.

She used to say 'i'll never get a boyfriend' and stuff like that. But now today, she's doing really well for herself, and she's got a good job, bought a nice house, engaged etc.
I feel like she's happy, which is great and I am for her too, but sometimes I feel like she rushes into this role whenever I have had a problem with a man or something and it has created a strange dynamic.

She likes to tell me I have got 'no confidence' and I feel like she can be very patronising and gives an impression of 'i'm engaged so I must be an expert on relationships'.

However sometimes, she will make fun of me or ignore me in group gatherings. I used to use my bag as a purse and a bag in one and she commented behind my back that it 'annoyed her' even though it doesn't affect her in any shape or form.

I helped her cook something at her house. I can be a little clumsy sometimes but I tried my best and I did it well. I invited her over to mine and she went "oh, you can cook me something ! In a really sarcastic way, then said 'no i'm joking".

Once she woke us up being sick at 3am and I got out of bed and went to help her and rubbed her back. The next day she was laughing to the other girls about me saying' why did i rub her back '🙄

I haven't had great luck with men but it doesnt define me. I do appreciate her advice a lot but I feel she's defined me as some kind of bridget Jones figure who has' no confidence' and puts on a pity party.

I want her to know that I am confident, doing well in life, happy as I am and i'm just tired of getting this smug feeling from her and then occasional bitchiness.

Can anyone make sense of this and what would you do ? I guess it makes her feel important.

@Category12 nailed it.

She wants you to be around so she can belittle you, and I don't believe for a second her "whole package" (😂) is all that.

She's a backstabber, and so are the people who entertain her pulling you down.

Slow fade to radio silence asap.

Thank you ! Another thing not that long ago was that we were talking about public transport, and I still haven't passed my driving test, and she went in front of others "I guess you'd know public transport better than any of us, wouldn't you" in a mocking way.
Life is too short for people who don't make you feel good.

The more you write the more malicious and nasty she sounds! I’m so glad you’re going to detach from her.

If she needs to undermine someone else to get her kicks you can be sure her ‘perfect’ life isn’t as good as it seems...

OP- shes not your friend. It reminds me of some 'friends' I had in the past who used to put me down at every opportunity, little comment here and there, little put downs, silly jokes. I cut them out or met them only occasionally and felt so so much better.

One I got to 55’i decided not to have anyone in my life who didn’t make it better who wasn’t positive or made me happy. I dropped someone who was my best friend of six years because all he ever did was slag me off. There comes a time where we have to lose those who aren’t true friends

I had a friend like that. She was always joking and I was the butt of the jokes. Funny up to a point but it was always that I was "clueless" "crass" "lacking class". I always felt wrong-footed and that I had to laugh to be a good sport but that she was portraying me all wrong. It is horrible.

I distanced myself - she moved away and married. SO much better!!

And you OP sound nice and normal. See your other friends

Life is too short to put up with that! I wouldn’t contact her again!

Thanks for the replies. I'm gonna stop contacting her to meet up. If she makes any other snarky comments whilst in a group setting I will pull her up on it and I will stop confiding in her.

Yes so this. She sounds awful.

Its not insecurity, she's just a nasty cow. I think we often try to excuse shit behaviour from people WE care for as the result of insecurities. It's easier to understand than 'she isn't a normal, empathetic human being' or kinder on ourselves to think 'my friend is a dick who hates me'.

Unfortunately, your 'friend' is a dick who hates you. I'd also guess, a narcissist. The 'oh poor me i was bullied', putting you down and especially the smugness is a dead give away.

*than to think

She is not a friend.

I had a conversation about people like this with my brother recently. we were both struck at how lightly we use the term "friend" these days (we are both in our 50's!). Is it something to do with SM,- the need to be liked (and seen to be liked), - is anyone we know classed as a friend now?

I see numerous posts on MN, detailing truly appalling behaviour, yet the OP often STILL describes the person concerned shitbag as a friend! It's like there is no longer any judgement - everyone who comes into your life, and you know slightly, is somehow a "friend", and the relationship should be preserved if possible I am not having a pop at you, OP, - just thinking out loud.

I am a nice person ,and have a HUGE amount of contacts on my phone etc. Yet I would say I only have around 4 really true friends, - the ones who would take me in if my home burned down, lend (or rather give me money), take on my children if I needed them to etc. Everyone else are just people I know. Obviously I get on better with some more than others, but I don't feel the need to keep up relationships with people that don't treat me well, or enjoy my company

she's a Frenemy.......so insecure in herself that she needs to put you down to make herself feel good.

She's a bully and probably part of the reason you have low self esteem and haven't had much luck with men.

You might find that distancing yourself will give you a huge confidence boost.