Mug ??

[Farnworth53]

Evening all,

After some advice really. Basically my wife has said she's no longer in love with me and a part of her has 'changed' since she started her new role at work. She's called time on our marriage, been together for 13 years with one son. My world ended the night she told me and I pin every hope on a reconciliation.

However looking back over the months I somehow missed the tell tale signs that I think she has eyes for OM. Constantly on WhatsApp and hides her phone when I go near it, we never hid anything from each other before. She's always home late and now seems to offload my son onto me when she wants to go out and it suits her. I love being with my son and would gladly forego any night out to spend quality time with him. I noticed a prescription in her handbag - I reckon it is for the pill again as hadn't been intimate for months and to cap it all of there was an empty box of the emergency contraception pill which I saw in her bag!! Alarms bells should rimg out but when I confronted her with it she said she was keeping it for a friend as she has gotten into a lot of trouble she says! Said friend did phone me and say it was hers but part of me feels that it's all a lie. I'm stupid and naive at the minute and my emotions are all over the place. i still love her and so want to be the family unit again but part of me thinks I am a mug whi can't see the wood for the trees!!

Please be frank with any answers.

Ta

She wasn't hiding the pill for a friend, can't believe she even suggested that. Utterly ridiculous.

She wanted out of the relationship for a while before she announced it to you. Yes, she was likely cheating with someone.

Were you a mug? No, like anyone you aren't a mind-reader and things are always clearer with hindsight.

She has told you she wants to split up. Maybe she is having an affair, maybe she isn't. It doesn't change anything, you two are splitting up anyway so best to get yourself a solicitor asap, if she has been planning this a while she has probably already organised her own solicitor and knows her rights.

She said she wants out.
Not sure why you need the detective work now. Or how searching through her bag, asking her about prescriptions can help your hope of making her change her mind.

If you want to try to get her give this marriage another chance - shouldn’t the two of you talk about whatever issues that landed you where you are? Maybe with a counsellor?

When she said she was done with the marriage - did she mean she was starting actual divorce procedures?

Don't pin your hopes of a reconciliation. It isn't happening.

I told my ex I wanted out (divorce). It had been on the cards for a while so not a great surprise to him. I'd made it clear I was unhappy, nothing changed although it was too late anyway. We had to live together for a while and 2 months later, after I'd started divorce proceedings, he said he still had hope etc. I felt like banging my head against a wall. I had not been clearer with him.

See a solicitor and come to terms with the fact your marriage is now over.

Sorry op... nothing worse than finding that out when u still hold hope. .. and you're still living together? Even harder and more confusing. Try to start detaching yourself from her... she has obviously moved on and this has to be so hard on you. Dont torture yourself, start making plans.it is not healthy for you to stay in this situation.

Thanks for the replies folks. I have moved back in to my parents, mainly so I wouldn't upset her further, trying to appease her so I didn't make the situation worse kind of thing. There is no mention of divorce as yet because it's still raw and we're both angry and upset, her words! However it has been said, even on here, that women take longer to think things over and she's obviously done that.
I know that nothing changes the fact my marriage is over, but I suppose as it's in the early days I'm still coming to terms with it all and I don't think it has sunk in yet.!

Oh, these people and their egos. Nothing wrong with feelings changing and moving on. No need for appeasement OP. You are your own person. Stay strong.

If she has been using the pill then she has probably been having unprotected sex - I'm afraid you need an STI check.

I agree with PPs, don't hold out any hope, but start planning for divorce.

‘Not sure why you need the detective work now‘ - possibly the most emotionally illiterate question you will receive this year OP.
You’re not a mug - but make sure you don’t become one! It sounds like your DW is thinking that she has a fairytale ending with her OM - because this seems to have come from nowhere and hit you for six - which means she hasn’t discussed her unhappiness because it wasn’t there until she got her head turned. I doubt therefore that she has any real idea what she’s doing or the hardships ahead in breaking up the family unit. So make it a split - arrange custody and access to DC - and heal and grow strong. Good luck OP.