Divorce advice please

[sk3270]

I want to divorce on the ground of unreasonable behaviour of my husband. I have a little son. I just want to get out of this miserable relationship.

I went to GP before and will go again. I went to a national domestic violence service line and they closed my case even though I asked them not to as it hasn't been sorted. I think because I am not a weak person and also have some assets they really didn't think I am a victim(more or less they think I can handle all the situations).

I have a very clear reason that I want to divorce( please it's going to be so long if I have to explain in detail)

Now, I want my husband to move out from my house(it's on my sole name). I provided every single thing at the beginning for about 2.5 years and then he started working and gave me about 70~80% of his net salery(about 3.5years so far). probably our spending has been nearly double from the amount he brought.

Now he has a good job but under agency. his contract might ends March next year. Only that I want is now that he moves out so that I can proceed my divorce quietly but he said he won't leave as he claims half of this house is his and he has rights to stay. but I really don't want to face all the arguments and could be violent while I am proceeding the divorce (on my own) if he stays here and he will not pay anything anyway in the meanwhile.

I appreciate if someone gives me how to get him to leave? Please do not say "see the solicitor". I will have to eventually as he said he will fight for his life to get me in trouble.

thank you all for your attention.

Bump

You can’t really get him to leave unless you can convince him to, I’m afraid. He’s right that he can stay if he wishes. Sorry x

How long have you been married?

it's been nearly 5 years and 9 months we have been married.

that sounds awful that I will be in hell.

financial provision actually started during the date with him as he didn't earn enough money to survive on his own and then he got sacked.

sorry, I keep adding things. uhmm. what I want and hope is only that he just walks away with whatever he entitles to from me because I cannot live like this anymore so want to just end with him. I don't even expect him to pay child maintenance. I will do whatever I can and will look after my son on my own even though I have never worked in the UK since I have lived in the UK.

This is very confusing but I'm not going to question you about it.

The law can help you in several ways here:

1. Non Molestation Order - which means that your partner would be arrested if he threatens you or harasses you. It's normally enforceable for between 6-12 months
2. Occupation Order - regulates the family home and means that the abuser can be evicted and arrested if he comes near you. It's an arrestable offence to breach and normally enforceable for between 6-12 months.

Both of these are available for free from the NCDV www.ncdv.org.uk/ and applying has nothing to do with how much money you have or anything else.

For proper legal advice regarding your situation as both an Occupation Order and Non Mol are more complicated than I have outlined above, you should phone Rights of Women. They can also give you advice regarding divorce etc. rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

It seems as though you have been in contact with DV services. Normally the police or DV org will apply on your behalf for one or both of the above. This is why I'm confused because they will have already given you this information. Contact Women's Aid for further information on protecting yourself whilst exiting the relationship.

You can also get advice on divorce from the CABx website www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/how-to-separate/getting-a-divorce/ They can give you comprehensive advice and have links to other agencies.

If you feel as though you are in danger call 999

Are you a British Citizen OP?

First - OP you NEED to see a solicitor because you seem to be not at all aware of the legalities of the situation.
You can NOT have him move out , unless he decides to.
Given that it seems the marriage is fairly short and especially IF you bought the house before marriage - you might be able to claim a larger share of the house vs his.
But you need to start the divorce procedures as soon as possible.

To do that you don’t need women’s aid or any external validation of ‘unreasonable’ behaviour - you will need to list several that judge would agree are unreasonable. And the bar for those is quite low. You can find lots of examples online for ideas.

If he becomes violent after you file for divorce - then, of course, you will be able to get him out. But NOT before.
Good luck - find a lawyer asap

I have currently obtained indefinite leave to remain but it's only for 5 years(used to have no time limit). but I couldn't find any guidance if my divorce affects the status of my stay in the UK but it says I can apply next time without expiry date on.

of course, I don't have much knowledge of the law here but heard from my husband "It's the law in England I will have half of what you've got and you cannot have my child because you are a foreigner who cannot speak English and my son is English" and told my son " son, don't speak xxx(my language), you are English, not xxx".

I have contacted National Domestic Violence Helpline and they agreed that I need help so I was referred to Harbour support and the adviser told me "you are a strong woman. if you need any help, just ring me anytime. I will send a text message to you later with my private number" at an interview in person so that I can contact her anytime I need help include emotional support as well as other things. but she didn't send me a message but after about a week later, someone from Harbour rang me and said they have to close my case so I asked them why? and explained my abusive relation hasn't changed. only they said I can contact them again. so I said "what, for filing a new case?" they didn't explain why at all but only insisted it has to be closed.

I will contact all you mentioned above as I am desperate and also will find a solicitor.

Thank you so so much.

Hi OP, has your son got dual citizenship? Have you explored also seeking help from your embassy or a solicitor specialised in the law of your birth country to see if that law is also applicable and / or more beneficial to you?

You need immigration advice as well. Rights of Women give immigration advice. I gave you their details above.

CABx can also give you immigration advice. Both organisations can give you a list of appropriate solicitors.

It seems as though there was a miscommunication with the DV organisation. Get back in contact with them and say you need to find out some information and organise a meeting to discuss leaving your husband.

There may be DV (domestic violence) organisations from your cultural background available. Take a look at the information here and see if there is anything suitable for you: www.niaendingviolence.org.uk/links/

That link doesn't seem to work. Here's the information:

Southall Black Sisters
domestic violence resource centre for Asian, African, Afro-Caribbean women
www.southallblacksisters.org.uk/

EarthWords
domestic abuse information in over 60 languages.
www.hotpeachpages.net/lang/index.html

Hot Peach Pages
a directory of domestic abuse agencies world-wide
www.hotpeachpages.net/

Multikulti
Information, advice, guidance and learning materials in community languages
www.multikulti.org.uk/

Refuge Council
services for refugees and asylum seekers; including children's services, integration services and information on voluntary returns
www.refugeecouncil.org.uk

Asian - Apna Ghar
refuge and helpline service, also offers emotional counselling and group work. Languages offered are: Bengali, Gujarati, Hindi, Punjabi, Sylheti, Tamil, Urdu
www.apnaghar.org/

Chinese Information and Advice Centre
provides support and information for Chinese people living in the UK. Also runs Sunflower Support Programme for children and teenagers affected by domestic violence
www.ciac.co.uk/

Eastern European Advice Centre
offers English, Polish, and Russian languages, but works with most Eastern European nationals
www.easteuropeanadvicecentre.org.uk/

Jewish Women's Aid
refuge and/or support to Jewish women and their children affected by domestic violence
www.jwa.org.uk/

Muslim Community Helpline
telephone counselling service for Muslim women and men
www.muslimcommunityhelpline.org.uk/

Turkish Cypriot Women's Project
Advice service
www.tcwp.org.uk/

IMECE
for Turkish/Kurdish/Turkish Cypriot women
www.imece.org.uk/en/about/

IMKAAN
Supports Black, Asian, Minority, Ethnic and Refugee women.
www.imkaan.org.uk/