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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is dp friend trying to sabotage our relationship?

37 replies

Lottiebugz22 · 07/11/2019 16:24

I'll start by saying I've never been keen on dp friend due to his history (he's not a good person - been put away a number of times for burgulary) Dp knows I don't want anything to do with him or have him near our home and family so he meets him elsewhere which I'm not thrilled about but he's his own person and I can't stop him. On valentines day last year I saw him lurking on my street as I was coming back from the supermarket. When I got to my doorstep a valentines card had been left with dp name on. Dp opened it and had a laugh as it was from the friend which I also found quite funny as a lads sort of joke.
Anyway just recently I went on a night out with some friends and when I came home a glittery pink lighter had been left in my kitchen. I asked Dp and he said the only person he'd had round was the friend. None of us smoke. The friend does. Obviously I was annoyed as we'd agreed not to have him in the house but I let it go.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and dp came home from meeting the friend and I noticed my brolly that I'd previously been looking for tucked in the side pocket of dp rucksack. He said the friend had brought it out and didn't want to use it due to 'embarrassment'
Before anyone says he might be cheating he's definitely not but I think the friend is trying to make it look that way. Dp works allot and whenever he's off the friend rings multiple times wanting to hang out when my dp has already said he was having a family day.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
What would you think?
His friend has his own family.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 07/11/2019 19:57

Has your partner agreed that he was wrong to have him in the house? Has he agreed not to have him there again?

Oppopotomouse · 07/11/2019 20:10

Why would your DP want to be friends with such a person? Is he scared of him?

Whathewhatnow · 07/11/2019 20:16

For me it is nothing to do with his criminal record and everything to do with the current behaviour and weird situations. Some people have awful awful lives growing up, and take the wrong course. It doesn't mean we cant still love them.

The thing that is wrong here is that this person has supplanted you in terms of coming first. Your partner is, for whatever reason, not respecting you in preference to him. I would die in a ditch for my childhood friends but I would not ride roughshod over my partner's feelings, or dismiss their concerns, and give preference to my friends'.

Lottiebugz22 · 07/11/2019 20:38

I've often wondered if he is scared of him. When he got back in contact with him he installed a house alarm on our house when we went away which at the time I thought was out of the blue but I'm glad he did anyway and he said it's because he didn't trust said friend enough yet and he also changed all his passwords to his accounts etc on his phone and his friend had seen him type in his password and then wound DP up saying he'd seen what his password was.

OP posts:
MulticolourMophead · 07/11/2019 20:50

If this friend thought there was a chance he could steal significant stuff from you and your Dp without getting caught, he would.

Just because he's a childhood friend, it doesn't mean he wouldn't steal, the brolly shows that already.

But I wonder why your DP is so determined to remain this man's friend?

mankyfourthtoe · 07/11/2019 21:48

Was dp sticking up for him saying there was no problem?

Lottiebugz22 · 08/11/2019 15:55

Yeah he was. We've made up now but he seems to always change when he's been around him. He always comes back and is moody with me. I don't ever say to him that I don't want him seeing him. I just said I don't want him in our house.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 08/11/2019 16:25

Wtf is going on? There's such a weird dynamic at play here. Why is he saying there's no problem when there obviously is. Has he said that he'll let him back in the house yet?

Lottiebugz22 · 08/11/2019 17:11

No he apologised and said it won't happen again. I know it's really odd. I've questioned him loads about why he's friends with someone he doesn't fully trust etc. He says he doesn't agree with what he's done in the past etc but he's a childhood friend and he's changed. He basically said to me last night that I'm paranoid and creating stuff in my head because of his friends past.

OP posts:
mankyfourthtoe · 08/11/2019 18:32

Maybe it's hits too close to home when you say you don't trust him so he has to push back, when really he doesn't trust him either.
I'd say do what you want but not here, and if you're ever arrested with him I won't be collecting you...

Lottiebugz22 · 08/11/2019 20:00

Yeah maybe. He keeps ringing his phone over and over tonight it's grinding on me. Really don't want another argument though.

OP posts:
mankyfourthtoe · 08/11/2019 20:03

Could you keep messaging your own phone and set a really annoying chime for it.
Have a phone off

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