Pathological Demand Avoidance and unintended emotional abuse.

[CrustyMorticia]

Long time lurker, but thanks to the relationship threads here have finally freed myself from a 20+ year relationship and keeping looking back at what was once normal and shuddering thinking WTF!

Always knew he couldn't help the way he was/spoke to me, which in some ways made it harder to leave.....well, that, and knowing he would smash all my stuff up and jump off a bridge if I did end it.

Didn't know anything about pathological demand avoidance, but upon reading up on it he's textbook. Only posting to raise awareness in the hope that it might help someone else in a similar situation.

I don't think pathological demand avoidance excuses someone who would destroy your possessions and use extreme emotional blackmail against you.

Brilliant for getting out but are you still trying to 'diagnose' him a bit too much?

Absolutely not an excuse, there never is! Sorry, in my attempt to not write a stupidly long post about PDA and how it affects the way my ex interacts with people lost a lot of detail relevant to how it comes across as emotional abuse.