Desperate

[disconnecteddrifter]

I just moved in with my partner and 4 years his and my children. We were friends before we got together and I was mutual friends with his ex so they are not friends with me anymore. I feel like I have no one I can turn to and am embarrassed.
Tonight I said that I was unhappy because he buys things for his children and leaves us out. I get that he is upset with me because he thinks i always criticise him ans he likes to think of himself as a nice person. However he refuses to let me say how i feel tells me i am unhappy he does everything right and says that if it's not him it will be someone or something else. I said I want to communicate about issues and he starts laughing at me. I said yoire sneering at me and hold me in contempt he agrees and said it's because I'm either horrible or a joke. I asked him to leave as I canr have a relationship with someone who feels this way about me. Hr said here we go again yoire a joke etc and then hangs over me screaming at me. This makes me scream and have a panic attack which he mocks and continues to scream in my face.
I'm pretty sure this isnr right no matter what I have done to him? I have been googling whther I have personality disorder because he positions me as be fundamentally wrong in all levels. If I have then how am I suppose to be a good mother? I felt so scared of him looking over me mocking me and looked up womens aid and have reserved a hotel to live in with my kids for a few days so I can try to have some space.
I've only moved in for a month I dont know how I will afford another place and I am worried because he can be nice and I do love him when he is that I will be sucked in if he decides to be nice tomo or the end of the week etc.
I dont know what to do he says I am a joke shouted and screamed at me whilst I was naked in bed and had nowhere to go. Is this normal? Please help

I dont know if he knows he is doing it but little things make me think that he does such as saying that I'm the abuser and denying that he shouted in my face. He said I was a joke again by text yesterday and then claimed he was laughing at me to deal with his emotions. However he said he holds me in contempt and that I'm a joke. So he must know I'm going along with one of the previous posters comments which really helped- to let go of the rights and wrongs -as they only get me embroiled in arguments. I'm not happy with the way he treats me in arguments and it's making me very unhappy. I hope your situation gets better. What makes you able to stay?

My DH is not as abusive as yours and I guess I'm just not strong enough to go through with it right now. If the situation was as bad as yours I think I would have to leave. I couldn't put up with that. Having said that, the DARVO from my DH can be very upsetting. Usually said in a patronising tone. It has confused me in past as my mind then goes over what he's said to check if it's true and by this point I have lost the thread of the discussion. Looking at it like that it does seem deliberate.
Good luck to you. I hope you break away from this man. Also read "why does he do that?". Most of it seems extreme compared to my situation but I still got a lot of of it.

That's a hell of a lot of screaming you're both doing. Screaming is actually quite unusual, and I'm trying but failing to imagine you both sitting screaming in unison. Are your kids witnessing your mutual screaming?

Where did you live before if you've only been there a month? Why can't you afford to move after only four weeks?

Kids were with their other parents so you dont need to worry about them. I sold my house and we bought this new house together. Yes it is a lot of screaming. Not hard to imagine to me. I was sitting in bed and he came to my face stood over me and started yelling. I shouted to get away from me and he started screaming in my face. I'm glad you havebt had to go through it or anything like it so you cant imagine it

Ah so you have bought together.do you have deposits and ownership protected?

To keep you safe and sane you need to not react to his provocation. Observe his behaviour and don't absorb.it

Learn phrases such as "I don't agree with you" or "that is your opinion". Be calm and measured in responses. Recognise you are unlikely to get a rational discussion. He is unlikely to accept your point of view if it paints him in a bad light. Any criticism will feel like an attack or attempt to control him.

Do whatever you can to keep independence, put yourself and children first and plan to leave. Ignore his selfish behaviours as he is very unlikely to want to hear you and less likely to change.

In my case Ex dropped the mask when we bought a house together so I was trapped. I did get out however.

Thank you I think that's what it is maybe he thinks I'm trapped now i have moved in and got mortgage together.
He'll be nice as in civil if I accept that he did nothing wrong and everything was my fault but I dont want to keep doing that.
He wouldn't scream in front of the kids either so I know he does have some control over his behaviour. Thank you