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Original poster

Bf birthday present only suitable for ex wife

24 replies

Snowk · 06/11/2019 22:26

I don't drink much in fact only really have a baileys at Christmas. Yet my bf of 4 years brought me a bottle of alcohol that is specifically his ex wife's favourite. It was his only gift to me which wasn't a problem in itself but added to how stung I felt. I'm really not sure if I'm being silly. I have terrible trust issues for a reason but this felt thoughtless to me and hurt. I didn't show how upset I was. I just told him I'd never tried it before and I'd let him know if I liked it. I didn't, and told him it wasn't my cup of tea to stop him getting it again.

OP posts:

Heartburn888 · 06/11/2019 22:28

Have you asked him the reason behind the choice?

How do you know it’s his ex wife’s fave?

Ibizafun · 06/11/2019 22:28

I reckon it was just thoughtless. Very thoughtless!

Original poster

Snowk · 06/11/2019 22:39

She has pictures of wooden hearts with witty sayings about her favourite drink all over her fb page. I didn't ask him. Just felt too gutted to say anything.

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 06/11/2019 22:43

If the wooden hearts exist, then it’s a popular women’s drink (I’m guessing wine, Prosecco or gin) so it’s not specifically his ex’s favourite - it’s a drink he thinks women like.

PatchworkElmer · 06/11/2019 22:46

Oh! I thought you meant it was a specific brand/ vintage or something. If it’s just ‘gin’ or ‘wine’ I think you’re ok- lots of women like them!

It is thoughtless though. I would be upset about that.

AgentJohnson · 07/11/2019 01:33

Explain to me your logic in not saying ‘why did you buy me alcohol when you know I rarely drink it’? Don’t mention his Ex because that’s speculation on your part but there is no good reason to call him out on his thoughtlessness. If you’re worried about his reaction being negative then you have an additional problem to add to his thoughtlessness.

Talk to him!

category12 · 07/11/2019 07:02

I have terrible trust issues for a reason Is the reason him cheating in the past?

I'd be upset - you don't really drink and he just bought what his ex liked rather than putting any thought into it. 5 minutes in the supermarket.

If your "trust issues" are based on his past misbehaviour, really have a think about whether he's actually the right man for you. Not just keeping him.

Everydaylife · 07/11/2019 07:22

Presumably he knows you don’t drink so that’s not a thoughtful present. What did he say when you said you didn’t like it?

Duchessgummybuns · 07/11/2019 08:54

It’s a thoughtless gift as he must know you’re not a drinker, I’d be upset about that never mind the ex wife thing

MarianaMoatedGrange · 07/11/2019 09:00

Yes, generic "women like this, it'll do" gift.

Courtney555 · 07/11/2019 09:11

You're over thinking this. If it's a popular woman's drink, it's not beyond the realms of reason for a man to not think beyond "I know one woman liked it, this one probably does too"

If it was something more specific and personal, a perfume, a handbag, then maybe more so. But not a bottle of plonk.

AmIThough · 07/11/2019 09:12

Yeah I'm assuming it's Prosecco or gin - a generic 'women's' drink rather than her actual favourite drink?

It's lazy gift giving. Was it your birthday?

Doyoumind · 07/11/2019 09:13

I'm going with thoughtless. If he's known you for 4 years he should be capable of getting something you like.

hellsbellsmelons · 07/11/2019 09:15

If it's gin and you don't drink then that is really crappy.
A lot of people do not like gin.
(Not me, I love it!)
He just put no effort in, did he?
It wasn't a thoughtful gift, just for you.
Is he very good in other ways though?

EasyToName · 07/11/2019 10:24

If it was prosecco, just let it go. There is a common belief that everyone loves prosecco!", so maybe he wasn't being that thoughtless. Though if you don't drink, I agree, a different gift would have been much better.

nomoreclue · 08/11/2019 03:58

What a crap present. I wouldn’t be happy with this either

Aquamarine1029 · 08/11/2019 04:03

Doesn't seem like he even knows you. Why would he gift you alcohol when you very rarely drink? Thoughtless and lazy.

Bluerussian · 08/11/2019 04:41

I understand how you feel but think it was a thoughtless present more than anything else. Many people cannot think beyond flowers, chocs and booze. I hope he gave you a nice card.

prawnsword · 08/11/2019 05:13

I wouldn’t be happy with that. Was it regifted ? I have regifted bottles of wine before.

After 4 years together someone with half a brain who cared for you would work out you don’t drink, never seem to drink or talk about “wine” and only have the odd Baileys at Xmas. This sounds like a person who clearly does not drink & I would imagine this information is obvious for a partner To know about you! It screams thoughtlessness. If you are uncomfortable discussing this with him, are there any other troubling behaviours you’ve observed that speak to him being thoughtless in other ways ?

oreomum · 08/11/2019 09:36

He should have put more though into the fact that you don't drink but I bet he thought that it was a "safe" choice like flowers or chocolate rather than mistaking you and ex. So you're right to be annoyed that he forgot that weren't a drinker but not right to assume that it's something to do with his ex.

Witchinaditch · 08/11/2019 09:41

I think you’re a bit hung up on the ex wife, why have you been looking at her Facebook page? Yes it’s not a thoughtful gift but I think you’re putting 2 and 2 together and getting 6. It’s just thoughtless rather than he was thinking of his ex.

WestSideSnorey · 08/11/2019 09:50

BF: "Shit, it's Tuesday night and it's GFs B'Day tomorrow, bollocks, should have thought about this before. Best pop into Town on way home."

BF in shops: "Shit, what the fuck does GF like, I know she likes nice clothes and it's winter so maybe she'd like a new scarf but they don't sell these in Tesco, shit, why did I come to Tesco at the last minute for my GFs present?"

BF with lightbulb flashing above his head: "Of COURSE!!!, that's it. I remember getting myself out of this situation previously with a nice bottle of artisan Gin, it went down great. It's an absolute WINNER".

GF on receiving inappropriate gift: Sobs.

BF:

Men can be stupid, I would tell him but not fret it too much.

userabcname · 08/11/2019 10:26

He's just thoughtless I reckon. My ex stepdad used to buy my mum presents he wanted - as in, accessories for his PC that she never went on and a coffee machine when she rarely drinks coffee while he had one every morning so of course ended up using it way more than her. Crap gifts! I know it's often dismissed on here as encouraging laziness but I always tell DH what I want and he picks a few things off my list. Saves disappointment as when left to his own devices he makes very odd choices as I have witnessed when gift shopping with him for his family.

Cheeseandwin5 · 08/11/2019 13:42

I would be interested to know what you have bought him in the past. The gift in itself seems fine, I doubt that every gift but you have given has been a winner, but if he is buying you a bottle whilst you are spending extravagantly and taking loads of effort then I would be upset about that.

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