Heads all over the place

[Whatadooo]

Split up from partner found out he has been messaging other girls.
Back story our relationship had been hell for 2 years previous due to him being paranoid I was cheating, questioning my every move etc.
I left him when I found out he messaged other girls after what he had put me through,
Went no contact for a few days then started talking on a normal level,
He see's a psychiatrist and is on aripriprizole medication, they think he has a mixture of personality disorders.
Since splitting he's done the usual "I love you, your my world, my rock, I'll change"
Said he only did it for attention because he 100% thought I was cheating (I wasn't).
Said he knows I've not now and won't be paranoid anymore if I went back, he is going to start therapy and get a job etc.
I'm struggling with how to respond because deep down I love the him that he used to be and want that back.
My DM and friends hate him and say I need some self respect.
I've never been in this position before I like it when everyone gets along so now my heads a mess because IF I go back with him it won't be for at least 6 months so I can see with my own eyes that he's changed, but when I do I don't want my family and friends to hate it but I can't please everyone so I don't know what I'm doing,
I'm finding myself texting him in secret while I'm not with family or friends and I don't want to hide anything because I'm not even texting him being that nice just the usual what we are doing etc. no kisses back to him or anything or flirting I have 0 sex drive anyway 🙄
I don't really know what I'm saying to be honest think I just feel a bit stuck 🤷🏼‍♀️

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

The man whom you thought he was is a mirage; an act designed to draw you in. It was never real. He showed you what you wanted to see and its was an act.

Where are your boundaries here re him; they seem practically non existent and you are further harming your own self by texting him. Your initial mistake after leaving him was to resume contact at all; this was always going to be the end result. he will continue to mess with your head so long as you allow yourself to be treated so very badly. Bad people like this are just that; bad.

Delete his number now from your phone. You need to go cold turkey with this person and seek therapy yourself for any issues you may have with regards to being codependent in relationships. You mention that you cannot please everyone; have you been trying to be a people pleaser your whole life?. You should not get back with him at all given his behaviours and overall personality. He is saying all the usual things such abusive men say to get their chosen target i.e. you back into his web of deceit.

Really good post above. Have you tried the freedom programme op? Also look up free pdf bundy why does he do that online .