Walking on eggshells

[Nanakitkat]

Hi guys I’ll try and keep it short but I’m really struggling and need some input.
Basically my friend left her two boys with their dad many years ago. Age 5 and 7. She walked away and had no contact for 15 yrs. fast forward her eldest needed a kidney they tracked her down. A very strained relationship evolved which has now broken down again due to her own stupidity . Her youngest has had another child she found out on Facebook and is in bits that he didn’t let her know.
Here’s my dilemma, whilst I’m trying to be supportive I really struggle with the fact she left her kids. She is now refusing to see her step grandchildren and will not visit me when my grandson is staying as “it hurts to much”. Not to bothered about my GS as he’s to young to realise but her husband is pulling his hair out, and has had to explain to his son that she won’t be visiting the 3 grandkids. I just can’t get my head around it? She is hurting lots of people with her actions. It feels like she’s punishing us because she can’t have a decent relationship with her estranged kids. I’m trying to understand but I seriously feel like I’m banging my head against a wall and I’m walking on egg shells with her as I can’t even talk about my GS in case she gets upset! I’m seriously at the point of dropping our friendship to save my sanity 😳

Drop her. She seems so self obsessed and to walk out on her children, unforgivable.

She sounds like a dick and you don’t need that stress or bags to it’s in your life. She’s made her bed now she has to lie in it, what did she think the outcome would be really after walking out on her kids and not having contact for 15 whole years. She doesn’t have a maternal bone in her body if she was able to do that so freely.

Next time she comes round maybe give her facts of her behaviour and tel her if she can’t buck her ideas up and start acting like an adult then it will be your friendship she is will lose on top of losing her kids and grand kids

Negativity*

but her husband is pulling his hair out, and has had to explain to his son that she won’t be visiting the 3 grandkids
WTF not?
He shouldn't be dictated to by her.
Surely HE can visit even if she doesn't want to?
He is doing to his GC what she did to her own DC!
He needs to man up!
And you need to drop her.
What does she expect?
They all come running and can't wait for a relationship with her?
She fucked off and abandoned them!
That is not something you ever get over.
She needs to get over herself here!

Her hubby will go visit and probably make an excuse why she’s not there...... I’ve spoke to her today and had a talk ...... she’s never going to see that she’s hurting so many people with her attitude....... I’ve told her I need a break from her..... she basically said thanks for your support.... not. I just hung up and didn’t rise to it. She’s alway been a bit selfish but seems to have gone from bad to worse lately..... I actually feel a bit relieved that I have put my foot down and it’s quite liberating 😀 I’m not one for confrontation but enough was enough..... thank you for you replies it’s reinforced that I’m right for once ❤️