To carry on and leave him

[Onelasttime189]

My P and I have been together for 6 years and we have an 11 month old. In that time I have caught him sexting, he has put down my looks, call me his side chick all in the name of a joke, failed at being a good father and consistently wants his own way. I finally told him I was done a month ago and since then he has been doing everything to win me back. And now I find myself doubting my decision. We have done therapy before which didn't work out well so don't want to do it again but what should I do?

Sometimes I try and remind myself of his true nature, like today we were out for a walk and he was pushing DD there was an elderly couple just ahead of us and instead of kindly saying excuse me P just went past them so quickly on the small path the woman jumped.. I had to apologise as I thought this was so rude of him, yet he didn't think it was an issue. When I said they could have tripped he joked it would be the circle of life.. not very funny. I just feel in a haze and need some advice.

He's horrible!

Always remember his true nature. His begging once he's been dumped isn't something that should persuade you to let him stay. He's saying what he thinks you want to hear, isn't he? Totally disrespectful.

He’s an arsehole. He’s a prick to you, he’s a prick to elderly strangers - he’s just a nasty waste of time.

Stick to your guns. Don’t let weakness make bad decisions for you.

People are only valued by him in terms of utility. Those elderly people had no utility to him ... therefore he was fine with barging through and potentially harming them. They are worthless to him. You still have some utility to the extent that you provide childcare and housekeeping services to him and keeping you around also helps him avoid child maintenance. Soon enough, he will decide you no longer have utility and he'll drop you like a hot rock. Such is the way with these people.

Leave him on your own terms before he leaves you on his.

Your words definitely have hit the nail on the head @HollowTalk @AtrociousCircumstance @PicsInRed. I know he is this way yet he becomes nice, sorts out DD, cleans and cooks dinner, then I end up feeling bad. Or he tries to kiss me and having to tell him constantly that I don't want to hug or kiss is so freaking draining because I don't like the thought of hurting others and yet sometimes I look into hid eyes and it's like he is lost as if no one is there.

And why does he do that with the physical affectionation like pushing the hugs etc

Because he doesn't respect you. Because he thinks that's what love is - the ability to feel someone up whenever he wants. Because he doesn't care, basically - he does what he wants, not what you want.

He sounds really horrible. His pushing past the elderly woman is awful. Imagine if that was your mum or your grandmother.

Its an act. This isn't what he's really like, you know that because you had years of him being an arsehole and you tried therapy.

Even the questions as to why I don't want to hug. Considering we have a child together he actually makes me physically sick.

If he makes you feel sick OP, youve probably got the ick so there is no going back.
From what youve said the decision to leave is well justified, nothing youve said makes me think he deserves a 2nd chance.

He keeps trying to hug you because he thinks youll just go back to normal after your 'paddy' of dumping him. The fact you dont physically want to tells you everything. Theres nothing left for you with him