This is never going to be a real relationship, is it?

[Blep]

Been together about 3 years.

He won't move in with me or stay over at my house because he doesn't like the area i live in. I have met his family but he introduced me as a friend and hasn't told them we're together. He won't go on holidays with me, and when i tell him i want to go away somewhere he says things like "oh? Where are you thinking of going?" As if it doesn't even occur to him that i might want to go together.

He has helped me a lot in the past (financially/emotionally) so now whenever i bring up the things I'm not happy with, he makes me feel like I'm asking for too much.

He's always talking about moving house and has some vague plans to do so, with the implication that i could then move in with him. But he has been talking about it for a long time, and hasn't taken any real steps towards it.

I do believe that he loves me, but I'm finding it increasingly hard to believe anything will change.

He's definitely not married or with anyone else. We were friends for a long time before getting together, and i met a lot of his family then, but now he doesn't see the need to tell them we're together.

OP, you don't have time to mess around. This man isn't going to give you what you want. Time to get out asap and really go for it in terms of meeting someone else.

I don't like the area i live in either but it's all i could afford. We've talked about this a lot and he sometimes concedes and agrees to move in with me or stay over, but it's obvious he doesn't really want to.

He sounds high In Narcissistic traits.

He love bombs to keep you interested, he is future taking about having children and a house.
He is cheating and triangulating with this OW.
He leads you on with intermittent reinforcement to get you addicted to him.

He threatens suicide with a gun, which I guess is trauma bonding you to him.

You are isolated from friends and family.

He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else to have you.

This is not love, it is abuse and manipulation.

Don't end up with an angry, unstable farmer who has access to guns, that is a recipe for disaster.

Does he remind you of a parent? Did you come from an abusive background?
Is this behaviour normal to you?

Go NC.. Find someone who really loves you.

Um, i think you've got the wrong thread lexiepuppy.

So he sometimes concedes and agrees to move in with me or stay over, but it's obvious he doesn't really want to. What more do you need?

He's happy the way things are.
You are not.

How many more of your fertile years are you prepared to spend on a relationship that isn't going anywhere?

Only read a few posts but it sounds like he isn't really committed. And don't stay with him with the hope or having children either.

Sit down and have a serious conversation about where is this really going. If you don't get the answers you want leave.

The longer you drag this out the less chance you have of getting out there and meeting someone who will make you happy.

Actually, having re read the thread I’m struck by how huge the gulf is between what you say you want OP (commitment, babies, cohabitation) and your behaviours (passively hanging around for literal YEARS dating this guy who’s made it clear where he stands regarding you/the relationship). I’m starting to wonder whether you actually do want the whole living together/marriage/babies thing, or whether deep down you feel you should say you do as that’s what’s expected by society, but in reality you’re actually quite content and happy with a casual long term dating thing and no further progression.

What do you think? If you do just want to live a single life but with some companionship then that’s a perfectly acceptable choice. I just don’t think somebody who genuinely in their hearts wanted to settle down and have children would be so happy to go along with what you have with this guy for so long. Something doesn’t add up.

@Blep You are totally right! Very embarrassing, my answer makes no sense as it was meant for a different thread!
Not sure what I did!

Sorry OP, ignore my advice, it was meant for someone else!

If he won't even stay over with you for one night I'd be moving on. This man is not one you should be having babies with.

He isn’t a boyfriend, he’s your pal

You are not together, not really. You are a convenience to keep him busy a few nights a week, that's all. He's never going to want to have an actual relationship, never mind a baby.