OK, I'm being unreasonable, aren't I?

[TriwizardCupcake]

Effing PMT is addling my brain. I know I've been horrible all day but feel cross and need to vent and be talked sense to! (I've namechanged cos I'm feeling silly ). I've been snappy all day with DH - not sure whether it was justifiable since he was being annoying, or cos of my PMT - or cos we were up until the small hours last night dealing with a toddler vomit explosion...

Anyway, we were meant to go to a birthday party in another county after lunch today. I was feeling tetchy during lunch and said to DH that I wasn't sure that I wanted to go - I was having shocking PMT and felt really tired. I said I'd lie down for a while and see how I felt after that. He said OK.

Anyway, I dropped off and when I awoke, he had set off with our DD and without me, not having tried to wake me up or even leave me a note. I don't drive, so it wasn't a case of me going on my own!

I'm really furious with him - but I think I'm probably being out of order here aren't I?

he prob thought you were a bit ill and wanted to give you some peace...although i can see it from your side.

God i hate PMT!

you will get hounded! i forewarn you!
I would have stopped home if they left you there you should have enjoyed your me time

Yes, he was probably trying to be considerate. Maybe this is so unusual that it is hard to credit?

Well, he probably was trying to be considerate and thinking that you needed to rest and have time on your own. But, waking up all alone with no note or anything is disorienting and can be upsetting. He should have left a note or maybe he was cross with you for being ratty?

But don't be furious. When they come home, ask if they had a lovely time and then privately to your DH, say next time it would be better if he could leave a note.

With PMT I'd have been livid, but it was actually probably a really nice thing for him to do - he was trying to give you time to rest.

God, he's amazing - can I borrow him? I would LOVE to be let off a boring party and given time by myself at home...

Can you send him a nice text saying thanks for letting me have such a great rest, hope you're ok, see you later?

Well, he's back and we're being civil but conversation is minimalistic to say the least at the mo. I did call him while he was out and "communicated my displeasure..." - funnily enough, I get the feeling that the line of defence was that he was trying to be considerate - but no note? Not waking me up? The trouble is that DH does have a tendancy to please himself without really giving much thought to how I feel about things. Not saying that he goes out of his way to be a git - just he can be a bit thoughtless.

Bloody hell I feel ratty - and jangly. I went and ate lots of sugary things to be bloody minded when I woke up and found him gone (lost loads of weight recently, but kind of got a sod it attitude). It didn't cheer me up - just made me feel sick

i think most men are like that-mine wouldnt leave me a note either. they just dont think that way, they're not being mean.

Thing is that before I got all addled with PMT I was quite looking forward to the party (I don't get out much!)

i know what you mean, any excuse to get out isn't it?

maybe to make up for your lost night you could go out for a meal or something together?

Deep down (under all the snarling and twitching ) I know all of you are right. Scorpio - I think you've got a fair point that not leaving the note is a man thing really...

When I was weaning DS1 I was in a hugely hormonal state, and also six months pregnant and had had no sleep for ten days because of aforementioned weaning, so all round I was totally hysterical and mad as a barrel full of cats. Anyway, DP and I had a Row to End All Rows while I was in this state. I locked myself in the bedroom for an hour, and when I came out I found he'd taken DS1 away to London (90-minute drive away, but he'd taken the car) for the night - the first night I'd ever spent without DS. I spent about five hours crying hysterically, then the door opened and DP and DS appeared looking sheepish - DP had had an asthma attack and had had to come home for his inhaler.

Not sure what my point is really, except that I think I know how you feel!

Trouble is that if we go out to dinner we'll probably not have much conversation - DH "doesn't do small talk" - he'll only talk about religion, politics and death - though to be fair I think that might have been one of the things that first attracted me to him, so can't complain really!

Bloody hell policywonk! That would also have upset me.

So when he came through the door, were you nice to one another?

Ermmm... NO. In fact, we were Not Nice to each other for about ten months after that, and came within a gnat's arse of splitting up. It really had been a stupendous row, though.

If your DH is anything like mine, he just needs clear instructions, entirely emotion-free. If you find out a way of doing this, please let me know.

Think I'd probably have to have the written instructions typed up and pasted on the wall for him to remember them...

Sounds like you had a horrible time policywonk - certainly puts my premenstrual tizzy into perspective. Everything OK with the two of you now?

Oh yes thanks - we don't argue much, so I reckon we did all our arguing during our bad period. Probably won't have another serious row for another ten years or so. I have found that it's a real problem when you disagree about something related to your kids (which was what prompted our row), as you both feel very strongly about it and no-one wants to back down. We are also both very mulish and strong-willed to the point of insanity. So we'd better stay together cos I don't think anyone else would have either of us. (Well, they certainly wouldn't have him.)

No note is really bad . I can see where he's coming from but I'd have rather been woken up and asked if I wanted to go. I can see why he didn't though - he was a bit of a no-win situation. Whatever he did was likely to be wrong (admit it).

Have been in similar situations myself so I know how you feel .