Contact - DS and ex . I don't know what to do.

[TheOrigFV45]

I can't find my ongoing thread. Never mind.

I just need someone to talk this over with.

It's taken a very long time to arrange a contact day for ex and DS2.
Long story short, I have to enable the whole thing otherwise DS won't see his Dad. If I dig my heels in, DS won't see him and that's not what I want. So, I'm trying putting DS first.

So it's this coming Sunday. I have a race (running) that's very important to me that day. It's an early start. If DS didn't have contact in the afternoon I'd take him with me and then we'd be able to have a lazy afternoon. Not ideal, but that's the life of a single parent.

But if he comes with me, then we'll have a really quick turn around to get him to contact. He'll be grumpy, I'll be grumpy.

Ex refusing to collect DS or even meet somewhere closer.

I could ask a friend if I can drop him at their house when I leave for my race. Then I can collect him and take him to see his Dad when I get back.

They will say yes if they're there. They are early risers and DS is very welcome (he's stayed there for longer periods when I've had to travel for work - almost like a second family to him). BUT....I am struggling with feeling selfish. It's one thing to ask friends to help out with childcare when I have to do something, but for a running race? My friend does know how important it is to me, but I'm really not sure if I'm being a CF.

I do reciprocate when I can with having her son (my DS's good friend) over.

Can he stay there overnight instead? Otherwise I don't see any issue as you reciprocate. That's what good friends do.

I assume that your friend knows the situation with your ex , so talk to them about this telling them what you have told us and ask.
If they are a good friend they will understand how important it is for your mh especially since you are dealing with such a crappy ex

Also no you are not a cf

Thank you. Yes, my friend has been amazingly supportive to me regarding my ex.

Running is hugely important for my MH. I can't get to my running club at the moment because of my responsibility for DS. That's OK, it's how it is.

It does make me sad to think I'd better not enter races next year

Your DS's dad sounds horrible - why are you doing all the running around?

How old is DS? What does he want?

Please ask your friend because I would happily do it for my friends
talk to them as well about running races next year

Your ex sounds horrible though

Green I do all the running around because my ex is not very nice.
DS2 lives with me full time and sees his Dad on an ad hoc basis. My ex still uses his cruel controlling ways to get to me (and thus to DS), by refusing to engage in any sort of sensible conversation about contact.

Everything has to be on his terms. Of course he doesn't say that, he does it by not responding to emails (thus enabling me to put things in place), giving a single date for contact, not answering questions. It's wearying. DS has been very upset about it all and of course I get the

DS is 10. He wants to see his Dad. He's confused. He doesn't want to call him or email, or txt. He doesn't want to tell his Dad that he wants to see more of him because "then when I see him he'll be cross".
Essentially he's treading on the very same eggshells I trod on myself for years. I understand.

He has seen him a few afternoons since March this year.
I'm doing what I need to do and in time he will be able to make his own decisions and plans, like our 20 year old has done.

I have asked my friend. I know she will help if she can, but I need to be mindful that she has her husband to think of as well.

Ask it say you're worrying about being cheeky, make sure you reciprocate.
Re your ex, could ds take over with communication or would that give him extra stress?

manky No, DS doesn't want to communicate directly with his Dad himself. I have tried to encourage him, but I don't want to put pressure on him. He will know when he is ready.

My friend has agreed for me to drop DS2 at her place early Sunday morning. I have acknowledged that she is helping to enable contact with DS's Dad.

We have a non-pupil day coming up and I thought she'd be working so offered to have her son (I'm going to take the day off), but she's not working that day. Instead we'll spend the day together, which will be lovely. I am very fortunate to have such good friends.