Dating and unplanned pregnancy

[Babettedell]

I'm posting in here rather than pregnancy choices as this board is the one I have spent the most time on recently and hopefully posters may be able to relate. Name change for obvious reasons.

I recently started dating again after a long hiatus. I have an 8 year old and have got to a place where I have some time to date again.

I've been seeing someone casually for a couple of months. Neither of us want a relationship right now. Not with each other anyway. We had that conversation recently and then of course immediately after I found out I'm pregnant. I know I've fucked up here and so don't need any more lectures on that score.

I'm 6 weeks along so have options. I'm not rushing to book an appt at the clinic but on the other hand I haven't exactly rushed out to get folic acid yet. What's going to happen today is I will probably book an appt at the clinic and also pick up some folic acid. I think that's a pretty good metaphor of my head right now.

I'm 35 and this could be my last chance to give my child a sibling. On the other hand, I'm 35 and I don't know if I can start the baby years all over again, on my own this time.

I also haven't told the man I've been seeing yet. We mainly use WhatsApp so me calling him would probably give the game away even before I've opened my mouth.

The thing we've had going on has probably run it's course and I was thinking about calling time on it before any of this. I don't have much free time and spending my free time with him means I'm not spending it trying to meet someone I actually want to be with longer term. Of course, that's all moot now anyway as I'm pregnant and not exactly in a state to be swiping on bumble again.

I know I've brought this all on myself but I'm devastated that I'm having to make this choice. Both options are awful. Not because I'm against terminations but because in an ideal world, in a different situation, I would love another child.

It is incredibly difficult and, yes, chances are you'd be doing this completely solo and, possibly, without any financial support. You are only 35--it's not too late to have a future child with someone else.

Sorry you're going through this.

I do agree with the pp, you're not too old to meet someone else and have a child with the "right person", a lot can happen in a few short years. However, only you can make that decision

I've booked an appointment at a clinic so things are moving in that direction. I feel very sad about making this decision. I've become quite used to talking about things that were bothering me with the man I've been seeing but this doesn't feel like something I can go to him with just yet. I feel like I need to make a decision first.

35 isn’t ancient in fertility terms. You definitely still have time to meet someone who is right for you and give your child a sibling within the remits of a stable relationship. Equally your child will feel fulfilled without a sibling so I wouldn’t pressure yourself to do that.

The choice is ultimately yours but personally I’d terminate. Being a single Mother is tough enough without adding another child into the mix. You would also have a life long tie to this man and you barely know him. Consider having to spend the next 18+ years communicating with him and never being able to get away from that.