Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

When fancy someone at work

17 replies

Custardcreamz · 04/11/2019 06:24

I have a huge crush on a guy at work I'm In a 7 year relationship with no marriage or kids... This is so frustrating I love my partner but we have had ups and downs this past year and these feelings for the new guy I have never experienced before it's like an electric current his personality/looks/humor/way he talks/height everything... He is even left handed same as me gosh it's got me in a tizz... I really would make a move of I was single but I'm not and wouldnt cheat, the guy at work is single and has started messaging me through Facebook... Please how can I get it to disappear there's nothing wrong with a huge crush is there??? Xx

OP posts:

TarMcAdam · 04/11/2019 06:48

Nothing wrong with a crush.Tbey happen. What you do about them is another matter however.

Does he know you have a partner? Most guys with genuine intentions/looking for a relationship of any sort will not come onto attached women. If the do it generally means they're chasing sex, and don't mind if she's with someone else.
It also doesn't say great things about their integrity.

Of he doesn't know you have a dp, it could be genuine interest.

TarMcAdam · 04/11/2019 06:49

*if they do

TarMcAdam · 04/11/2019 06:56

In terms of overcoming the crush - keep in mind that you don't know him well at all, and you can idealise him. If you knew him well, that may change (almost certainly). Give it time, and keep an open/critical mind about him. I had a big crush on a work colleague once, sent to sleep and woke up thinking about him ... Got to know him more much better over time and realised he was actually a bit of a dick in many ways and in fact not quite mentally well adjusted/mature. Was embarrassed I didn't see it.

Also (presuming your dp is faithful, respectful etc) think about how you'd feel if he had a crush like this and was hoping indulging it, it's not v fair).

category12 · 04/11/2019 06:57

You're not married, you have no kids - do you want those things with your partner, do you see him as your future?

If not, maybe think about splitting and seeing where this thing goes.

TarMcAdam · 04/11/2019 06:58

how you'd feel if he had a crush like this and was indulging it

Sorry not sure how that "hoping" snuck in there.

TarMcAdam · 04/11/2019 07:02

The other thing that category has hot on is that - 7 yrs is quite a while in a relationship for no marriage/thinking about kids (unless you got together young, even then people often get married, have kids etc young too) .... Are there issues that are behind that?

Do you both want those things? Do you have any future plans? Are there any issues in the relationship?

TarMcAdam · 04/11/2019 07:02

*hit on

AntCrawley · 04/11/2019 07:03

Its not normal to have crushes means your relation is dying or dead either put the effort or end it.
It wont go well you will end up losing too much if you make a move without ending your relation properly.

Original poster

Custardcreamz · 04/11/2019 07:11

Thank you guys and yes we got together young. We are working through our problems (he is big into games) but had since making more effort/dates.
I do still want a future with him I love going home to him and want cuddle ect. And I'm not to sure on kids yet I'm 25. X
Cheers for help X yes this other man knows I'm in relationship he is friends with my partner

OP posts:

Themyscira · 04/11/2019 07:15

This has mess written all over it op. He's not a friend if he's chasing his mate's gf, is he?!

Consider living a while as a single woman. You are very young to settle down with a seven year relationship.

Original poster

Custardcreamz · 04/11/2019 07:16

I think I fancied him at work when things were going bad between me my boyfriend... Frequent arguments/ ect. But he is since making more effort spending time me but the crush is still there for this other guy. My partner said he sleeps with women online but he has spoke me saying he has had a 5 year relationship before. Either way is the crush normal I jsut want concentrate on boyfriend I be a fool throw away 7 years when he is kind and we trust each other

OP posts:

TwitchyWitch · 04/11/2019 07:23

I do still want a future with him I love going home to him and want cuddle ect. And I'm not to sure on kids yet I'm 25.

Oh you're v young and plenty of time for kids then.
You've been with him since 18; I suppose it's natural to be tempted by something different, this can be an issue in relationships where people got together v young and haven't had any (or many) other partners or experiences.

Given he knows your have a dp, and is actually friends with him?) ... Not sure about him FB messaging you. I suppose it could be in a friendly, platonic way as one half of a couple he's friendly with.
If it's not ie if he gets flirty or its quite a lot ... That's a sign he's sneaky/low morals/inappropriate and is willing to cheat with a mate's partner or start something (whatever the something is) in a dirty, messy way. Not great relationship material.

At least your dp has proven to be reliable, committed, decent (?) Etc

Original poster

Custardcreamz · 04/11/2019 07:36

Yes I agree it's not very nice moral thing to do to flirt with your friends partner. And yes I had a few boyfriends before my current 7 years one. I Quess it's just the thrill of that feeling attractive/wanted again. I would never cheat and it's just got me worried and doubting my happiness but I have spoken him about it all and things are going well between us.
Just need the crush to go away 😩 I completely trust DP and am happy when we are together and look forward us going holidays/dates so I just need get over this xx

OP posts:

Yeahnahyeah1 · 04/11/2019 07:40

If you really want to stay with your current partner, stop messaging the guy at work. Right now. It’s a slippery slope. You need to stop the interactions outside of work and you need to try and distance yourself during work, if you can.

Krazynights34 · 04/11/2019 07:45

I thought you’d left your partner and had gone to your mum’s?
I can’t believe you are still asking the question and slightly changing the scenario each time.
Seriously, I’m about to leave your partner for you!

CloudyWithAChance2 · 04/11/2019 07:54

Just need the crush to go away

The problem is, you don’t WANT it to go away because you’re enjoying the way it makes you feel (as we all would).

AFairlyHardAvocado · 04/11/2019 08:15

OP you've started so many threads on this! There are two issues here:

You aren't happy with your current DP

You fancy the other man from work

You need to disconnect these two things because you're wrapping them all up into the same issue.

Re point 1 - You aren't happy with DP, evidently from your previous threads, but he won't stick to a plan for improving your relationship. So you need to break up with him and this time for good.

Re point 2 - Meeting someone you fancy is often the catalyst to leaving a relationship because it highlights the things you dont feel with your current partner. But jumping into an emotional affair or rebound is never a good idea because it isn't real life, it's a fantasy. You need to address point 1 first and spend some time single so you don't dive in to.

I think as a priority you really need to make a decision about your current relationship and stick to it.

Flip