Struggling

[bluebirdie]

3 years ago I left my husband after a 20 year relationship. I was single for 2 years then last year I met a man through OLD, he had only been single for a few months, also after a 20 year relationship, his ex wife had left him for his best friend. I was worried that he wasn't Ready for a new relationship so soon, of course he wasn't, but he kept saying he wanted to be with me, and I was head o we heels for him, so we had a relationship for just over a year. I loved him so much but throughout the relationship he was still on dating apps and sexually messaging other women through the apps. I was devastated when I found out, but gave him another chance, but then found out he was doing it again. He kept promising to stop and said he loved me, but he was doing it because he needed to feel validated after what his ex had done. I gave him another chance but then of course it continued. This time I ended the relationship, that was just over a month ago. We still had contact during that time as we both had stuff at each other places. He came to mine after 2 weeks and collected most of his things, which was a hard day, as there was still chemistry between us and seeing him was so hard. When he was leaving I cried and we hugged he told me he loved me and I said the same, and then he left. This Friday he came to collect his bike and some other personal items. He told me he missed me and loved me still and wanted to try again. At first I said no as said he would just hurt me again, he was insistent that he wouldn't, he was so sorry he hurt me would delete all the apps and he just wanted us to be together. Foolishly I believed him and we ended up sleeping together, we arranged to meet the next day, but when we met it was awkward and tense, the day before he'd been all over me and this day he was cold and distant. I asked him what was wrong and he said, his head was a mess and he wasn't sure what he was doing. I was heartbroken but told him we should stop then.

I'm devastated , I'm in so much pain again. I can't stop crying and I just feel so used and stupid.

Do yourself a favour, stop going back! If he has all his stuff now, block and delete his number. You have no reason to extend your agony, I promise you'll feel better after even a week of no contact. Keep yourself bisy in the meantime. Tough love for yourself but it works.

This man will never stop sexting other people. You have given him too many chances already. You might have chemistry and feelings for him but do you really want to go through life with someone who constantly has a roving eye and actively flirts possibly more with other women?
Yes, I know it hurts. You are carrying emotional baggage from your first marriage still and now this. I think you need to focus on yourself before getting into any relationship again. Get counselling to help with ending thia relationship and also your marriage ending, work on building a better group of friends, new hobbies. When you feel happy in yourself then you will be emotionally stronger and better able to cope with the rubbish side of dating.

Thank you for you replies. I'm not going to go back again, I've already blocked him everywhere and deleted his number off of my phone. I already have been referred for CBT as I saw my doctor last week as I've not been coping well. I have a telephone session on Thursday morning, and then go from there. I just wish I'd been stronger on Friday, as I was starting to feel a bit better but now I'm back to square one.