Hi All,
I’m a 27 year old female and have a close male friend who is 31. We first met on a date about five years ago and have the same friendship group so have become very close. Our relationship has always been very flirty and lots of sexual tension but we never acted upon it until earlier this year because timing was never right, we were in relationships etc.
Earlier this year, we decided to go to a sex party together as a bit of fun (terrible idea in hindsight!) after he’d ended it with a girl he’d been seeing for a few months and clearly wasn’t compatible with. We obviously ended up having sex at the party, and proceeded to hook up on a few more occasions - and it was v good. However, I told him I felt weird - which I did because I didn’t know where I stood with him - whether it was just sex or something more and was worried that it could cause problems in our friendship group. I then discovered through social media that he’d ended up getting back with the girl he’d broken up with and was very upset with him for not telling me etc. which he just couldn’t get his head around.
A month passed and I’d only seen him once - a birthday party which he brought this girl to who was now his girlfriend and he was exclusive with. I’d met her before and even been on holiday in the summer with him and her but this time she completely blanked me. I sensed she completely knew something had happened between the two of us.
Then he and I have just been away to New York for a long weekend with our friends (she wasn’t invited). The first night we got very drunk and I stupidly spent the night in his room. The next morning, however, he was very couple-y with me cuddling all morning and we had sex again twice. The night before when we went back to his room he said that this girl was temporary, he was on the fence etc.
Then things were weird and awkward for the rest of the trip and all our friends worked out that we’d slept together. He and I ended up chatting it out - he felt terrible and so did I. He asked me to deny everything as he wanted to give things another shot with his girlfriend. I said I couldn’t possibly lie to all our friends or be in the same room as him and her together. I said this had to the end of our friendship.
Now what do I do? I’m hurting so much and cannot avoid him. I’m hoping time fixes it. He’s contemplating telling his girlfriend what he has done but obviously this will cause problems. I just don’t see a good outcome.