Splitting up.child in bits. Husband playing on his phone.

[walktallheadhigh]

Am I over reacting here? Our daughter who has hfa is taking the news very badly. She is in my room howling about it all for over an hour and he is downstairs lying on his bed playing on his phone.
Is there something wrong with this man?
Does he not care ? He opted out of the marriage if that's relevant.

I'm so sorry OP.

This guy isnt on your team. Expect nothing from him, if you dont make that switch it's just going to break your heart. Pretend he is dead. Honestly. Just go on as if it's just you because ime it's easier that way.

What has happened to cause the split?

Sorry to hear this op. Remember this scenario, remember that you both deserve better. He's an asshole by the sounds of it.

I’m so sorry to head how he’s reacting. It may be a coping strategy or because he thinks he shouldn’t go in the room.. that is if he is generally a good father. Only you know if he is or just a waste of space.

Other thought, does he have autistic traits too? Or diagnosed?

I was thinking he might be autistic too.

Have you gone upstairs to calm her? so sad

I wouldn't necessarily assume that he doesn't care. He might be someone who can't deal with intense painful emotion, even in, perhaps especially in, someone he loves. So he 'hides out' and indulges in a displacement activity.

Tough on you and your daughter though.

My fil has very definite autistic traits. My dh has some of these traits. We consulted a child psychologist when dd was little and before I really knew anything at all about dh. I used to get so infuriated with his behaviour. She described it as dh hiding. I could imagine him acting like this too. He has with me in the past. He’s better because I’ve had therapy and know how to handle him better.

Surely you were playing on your phone too by starting this post?

I know it’s hard but you need to stop looking to him to be something he isn’t. Your focus is your daughter.

She was with me until I settled her which is when I posted. There may very well be autistic traits . He doesn't seem to be able to engage emotionally and doesn't really speak until someone speaks to him.
My daughter is much better this morning. Every sadness is more grief expressed and she knows that she is loved and safe.
My husband can be shouty and aggressive especially with the children. I have always intervened and kept his moods hidden from them if I can . It scares them and despite him wanting the separation, I know it's for the best. His reasons for wanting separation is that he always felt undermined by me for intervening in his inability to communicate with us or discipline when he was threatening them. He always had a lovely bond with my daughter but last night I felt that he totally disengaged . I was disgusted and so sad for her .