I’m leaving him

[Didymuswasadog]

I have decided for many reasons that my relationship is over. We have 3 kids, 9,4 and 6months. He has so many opportunities to step up and he just doesn’t.
It’s nothing major, it’s all little things but ultimately I don’t love him and I’m not happy. I’ve been staying because I think it’s the right thing to do for the kids, but my 9 year old is now starting to pick up on it so I have made the decision.
My question is how?
I’m on maternity leave, so skint, but done the entitled to web calculations and happy I could afford this house we rent without him.
But do I apply now?
He works away from home during the week, would he have to get a new address? Or could I go and stay at my mums at the weekend so he could be here with the kids? It seems daft to rent 2 places when he wouldn’t be there during the week but I’m worried it would affect my universal credit application. I don’t really want the kids having 2 houses as he would probably move closer to his parents and he doesn’t own a car.
Where do I start?! It’s silly things like I don’t want sky sports, can I just cancel it?!
I’m aware this is very scattered thinking, it’s wizzing round my brain and I’m done in by it all. Any advice welcome!

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/how-to-separate/deciding-what-to-do-when-you-separate/

Cancel the sky sports they may try and charge you a fee (I’ve cancelled it before) but they kindly waived the fee due to my circumstance at the time.

I wouldn’t worry yourself over where he’s going to live and what he’s going to do, your main concern and priory is you and the children. If he moves back to his mums or closer then that’s his decision. Think about yourself and the kids

That actually sounds like a reasonable and practical solution, as long as you let the landlord know that circumstances have changed and big if, if your partner agrees. Might he not just decide to go?

You will still be classed as living in the same house if you do the weekend thing without him registering himself elsewhere.

Thankyou for the link. I have read every inch of that before I came on here- haven’t made this decision lightly. What I am asking is more practical advice, experience etc.
The line ‘you both stay in the home and live separate lives’ is made me think of sharing the house, so I’m here during the week and maybe he comes here on a Saturday and has the kids? But I’d like to be financially independent of him, maybe take on the whole house tenancy. So he would need to register somewhere else like his mums I guess.
And I realise it’s not my concern where he lives etc, but I am kinda springing this on him, he knows I’m not happy and the relationship has stalled but I think this may be a shock so I’d like to give him practical help rather than just waving goodbye.

So he doesn't know what your intentions are yet? If so, how do you think he'll take it? When my partner and I split, we tried a similar thing where he had the child on the weekend at the home. We just argued which wasn't good on more than one level and wanted to know what I was doing and where I was going all the time. He didn't want to leave and he made it extremely hard for me to get my life sorted because he didn't want me being with him. My advice would be to rip it off like a plaster and let him sort himself out. I was made to feel sorry for my ex which lead to him manipulating and trying to control everything I did and by using the child as a weapon so to speak.

He doesn’t know, no. I genuinely don’t think he’ll care very much, it’s all about the best thing for the kids. Tho he will use the kids to get back at me. There are several places he can go, I’m not sure he will leave here is one of my main concerns- how do you kick them out?!

When does the tenancy lease expire? Speak to the landlord and ask whether they'd be prepared to rent the property with just your name on the tenancy.
Once you have this information, you will know whether you have the option to stay living where you are or whether you're going to need to find a new place to rent.
In some ways, renting a new place will be easier as it more clearly defines the boundaries after you split up. For example, ex would not be able to claim it's his home too.
Do you think your dp would want to stay in your current flat after a split? If not, then would he agree to move out, so as to minimise the disruption to the children?

It’s a private rental from a family friend so she’d be happy with me and the kids I think.
I can just imagine him saying no! No to leaving, not the splitting up just the leaving. But me and the kids could leave for a bit.
It’s the logistics of it, for example he paid for the mattress and I paid for the tv, I don’t expect to keep everything but I’m just not sure how we go about separating stuff! Never done this before

When my partner and I split up, he didn't take much because, 1) he didn't have anywhere to put it, and 2) most of it was mine or purchased between us. What got me was the fact he'd taken what he wanted to take without discussing it. You'd be best discussing and agreeing on what you keep and he takes. If there's an argument between an item - like the TV then agree you will both sell it and buy your own each. I made the point to my ex that that was the best option because we couldn't agree on some of the stuff and he was constantly throwing in my face what he'd bought. I told him in the end to just take it all and take everything that belongs to him. That backfired on him because he said he didn't have the room to take what he considered his as 'he'd paid for it'. The main point of our issue is that he didn't want to go and certainly not split up so he made it as hard as he could for me, hoping I'd change my mind. It all depends on how your partner takes what you're about to do. I'd try keep everything reasonable and fair but you may have to just ask him to leave, take him stuff and you'll take about it a few days after he's gone.