Ignoring her first Mother’s Day .

[NoFun21]

Would you think it unnecessarily cruel to ignore a new mothers first Mother’s Day when she had been doing all the night wakings and 95% of care with a very intense baby because she had expressed some displeasure with you or there had been some disagreement? Or would you think it precious of her to care?

If my husband had have ignored my first Mother's Day I possibly would have killed him! Well maybe I wouldn't go that far but I'd have been incredibly pissed off. Being a new mum is hard and probably the biggest test of a relationship.
Are you talking about yourself @NoFun21? If so I hope you're ok xx

My stbxh did this. It was just the beginning of a all the cruel behaviour he had in store for me.

Yes, that would be absolutely awful. I have a very very rocky relationship with DH but he’s always made a big fuss of mother’s dsy & bdays. No matter where we are at emotionally. It’s would be very manipulative and cruel too. Is it you?

Yes I’m just trying to sort the wheat from the chafe as I recall what went on in my marriage. I’m desperately sad about the whole thing and hugely angry but also easily manipulated and unsure of my position so I thought it would help to ask how others would view this. Thanks

We are separated and he has my petition for divorce but it’s all very messy.

It would depend.....
If you were the father of the said baby, and you were in a normally amicable relationship with the mother, then I would expect you to acknowledge the first Mother's Day.
If you had had words with the mother, and deliberately ignored Mother's Day in order to hurt the mother's feelings to prove your point, I would think that was quite a mean attitude.

Particularly as the Mother's Day if properly celebrated, could have been used to build goodwill and help repair your relationship.

Are you the mother? If so, you will have to give this a twist to see that I don't think you were being precious to care.

It’s not a nice thing to do.

Is it worth stewing over or analysing given you’ve split up? Probably not. I don’t think it will make any difference to your divorce proceedings.

I must type more quickly!

Sorry it's all so unhappy for you.

Yes I was the mother. Marriage was up and down. I was unhappy because I felt unsupported, if I voiced any dissatisfaction I was talked down or stonewalled in some way . He knew it was mother’s day.’I hang never failed to acknowledge any special occasion for him even when he’d upset me. I’m not focused on this one event but it was death by 1000 such paper cuts abc I need to remind myself why I’m living this new very lonely very messy life - that it was painful to be married to him.

I think it depends on whether he is into that kind of thing and whether he expects the same for him. For example my husband isntninto birthdays or christmas or whatever day, he forgets everyones birthdays, he is never bothered about receiving anything or doing anything much for his, so I think he genuinely doesn't care, rather than he just can't be bothered making the effort if that makes sense. I'm not either, and so we have never made a fuss of anniversaries or valentines day etc and we had a really low key wedding as that's the kind of people we are. We dont always exchange xmas gifts. I do want my children to participate in gift giving though, given they get birthday and xmas presents etc as I dont think they should just receive all the time, so I just remind him. To me it's no big deal.

If it's a big deal to you though, and your ex would have expected something for fathers day, and would normally have got you something for mothers day but didnt because he was punishing you for something, then I think that's very different and quite cruel

Ex dp did this for my 1st Mother’s Day, Instead he spent the day with a friend who had came to visit for the weekend. It was horrible and I’ve never forgotten it either (22 yrs later!) he was emotionally abusive throughout our relationship which I didn’t really realise until the end and I’ve since learnt about gas lighting. He has a new wife now and a new baby.. he made a big thing about her first Mother’s Day which pissed me off even more!

On my first ever Mother's Day I got a scribbled note on a torn off piece of paper from EXP. All these years later I still have it. He proved to be a shitty partner and continues to be a totally sub par father. Ex for many reasons. That scrap of paper is one.

I think I deserved a card. I had had a traumatic delivery and sepsis when I had my son six months earlier, I had breastfeed him on demand despite am Undiagnosed tongue tie , Co slept and he was showing signs of the autism he is now diagnosed with. Stbxh changed the odd nappy, yes played beautifully with him abc adored him bit was not kind to me . Only when I was not expressing any dissatisfaction was he nice to me and then he was lovely albeit in a patronising way almost talking to me as if I were a girl. He once said to me “ if you would just back the fuck down.”