If you were lonely in your thirties please talk to me, I feel broken tonight

[EpenStay209]

I’m the only person I know at work, friends, family, across all social media (I know I shouldn’t look) who is single.

My life is so good and I just ache to share it with someone. I’ve been on so so many dates the last six months. I haven’t met anyone I was excited about.

I’m constantly around people, I’m part of lots of groups and have plenty of friends. I’m never on my own but I’m so so so lonely.

If you’ve felt like this please talk to me. If this is my life now I really don’t think I can face it.

Hi, I’m 31 and single (though I have children) I’ve been single for 3 years and doubt I will ever meet anyone now as I’m with my children 24/7 (they don’t see their dad) it’s so lonely knowing I will probably be on my own forever. Same as you all friends are out dating/getting engaged/ married and I’m just here on my own every night.

A lot of the time. Loneliness waxes and wanes.

Being single sometimes I feel powerful, independent and capable of anything.

Other times I feel broken, the loneliness actually physically hurts and I wonder what’s wrong with me.

But that’s the thing, the feeling doesn’t last and I swing back the other way.

I just remember how lonely I was within a relationship that was terrible and the freedom I have now. I am always happy to come home.

I’d rather spend the rest of my life alone than be in a relationship where I didn’t want to go home.

No you wont....just remember, we are human and do not have the capacity to imagine all the possibilities that lie ahead if us.
How can you condemn yourself to a lonely forever after without wondering, that amongst all the human beings that live under the same sky ther is not a single individual you could meet?
Come on.
Perhaps I am a romantic fool ut, i met me now DH at 30. Married 37. Dd2 at 38. Im 51.
I was a single parent. On benefits but I bumped into DH one night. I had no plans o nothing. I was living day to day. Time took care of the rest. It hasn't been easy though but here we r.
Life is not what we can ever imagine it to be and it is certainly going to surprise you

Hi OP, I’m 38 and single. I’ve had a bad break up, and I would like to be in a relationship. But I’ve realised that’s an addition to my life not its reason or purpose - I have lots of friends and I work hard to be a good friend and care for lots of people in my life in different ways. As I write that I realise it doesn’t sound helpful if you want to be with someone - but the brutal truth for me was, I can’t make it happen and so need to make myself happy in every way I can.

It’s so hard though

I’ve got a nice life, it’s great. But without sharing it with someone it soon loses its charm

It feels pointless

Hi I’m 35, my marriage ended nearly 2 months ago now, altho towards the end things weren’t right, and looking back he was an abusive man so I’m better off without him.
But doesn’t stop the loneliness creeping in, this weekends been horrible, my cars been in garage all weekend so iv literally been stuck in on my own all weekend, I have children but not the same as adult company.
I did have a little cry earlier as just couldn’t stop thinking what if this is my life now?!
So massive hugs and know your not on your own xxx

I find that finding joy in the small things helps. Believe me, I’m not being patronising...or at least not trying to be, as I feel your pain. But I either find joy in small things or think ‘fuck it’ and I need to make a big change. Can you change location/job? Find a drive elsewhere?

I sometimes think about moving but I’d just be doing it because I’m lonely. I have a nice life where I am and if I was sharing it with someone I’d never want to leave.

So I’m not sure it’s a good idea to uproot

I have felt the same for years. I have children and they are wonderful. I can’t have a grown up conversation with them though, nor can we go out for a few drinks yet 😂.
I have been separated from my ex for 3 years but still living together. I can’t have friends over because of this (they hate him) and that makes things difficult. Obviously if he’s out it’s ok but it’s too uncomfortable when he’s here. I work hard but don’t have the money to go out much.
I really hoped I would find someone to spend my life with but I know no man will be interested. My ex is leaving very soon but I will never be able to go out then, unless it’s to work.
I don’t know what to suggest to you as it seems you already do things I’d suggest.

I’m in my 30s and single, near enough the last one not married or with anyone - lots of friends now have / starting to have children. I’m with you.

Been single for a long time and have got horribly used to it. My own house, go about my own business. Had some bad (and one scary) times with online dating a couple of years back and am scared to try again, but also don’t know where I’m going to meet someone. Had plenty of guy friends and have some really good friends but am also lonely. I try to put myself out there but the guys are either after only one thing or to be frank just aren’t interested in me, because I’m not the prettiest and when I was younger I was reluctant to put out immediately (maybe this was my error)

I honestly wonder if I’m going to be alone forever - only one friend has married someone from online, everyone else either met their other half at uni (mine didn’t work out), childhood friend, or introduced by a friend. Only one success with a total stranger.

I’m considering the option of having a child alone, either through donor or adoption, as I would be beyond devastated if I never have a child (what I’ve always wanted more than anything) - but I’m still considering at what age I essentially say “I give up” finding the Mr Right to have children with (which is what I want first and foremost)

It’s hard OP. I get it. I’m feeling cold and lonely typing this to you ☹️

I am 31 and I have been single for 7 years. I doubt that would ever change as I am disabled and have a child .Like you everyone around me is married . I am always the odd one out . Saying I am lonely is an understatement . Wouldn't mind if I died tomorrow at least then these horrible feelings will go away

OP, you could look at the other side of the coin, lots of people are in dysfunctional relationships where you feel unloved and lonely.

If it’s any consolation, I’m in a possibly failing relationship and it’s extremely lonely and the guilt around the potential impact on the child is almost unbearable. The grass isn’t always greener. Work on being the happiest nicest person you can be and hopefully things will work out.

I know it's a cliche, but you never really know what's going to happen. I met my DH when I was 34. By 40 I had 3 kids and a very happy marriage.

I’m in the exact same situation as bananaskinsnomnom; I could have written her post. My university boyfriend didn’t work our and he eventually became physically abusive. It’s been 2.5 years and I’ve never even dated anyone else beyond the first date. I have a great job and a full life but it feels so pointless and empty. I cry nearly every day. I don’t know what the answer is but I really sympathise.

*didn't work out

Also, with the greatest of respect, those who are married or have DC can’t understand what it’s like to face the reality of probably never having either. I understand “the grass is always greener” syndrome but it’s soul-destroying to have no hope and no other human being in your corner, month after month, year after year.

I'm in my late thirties and although I've dated over the years and had a number of short relationships of a few months, my last long term relationship ended 13 years ago. I've not lived with a guy since.

I spent most of my thirties so terrified I would not be able to have children. In the end I decided to have fertility treatment and have a child on my own. I always said I would rather be a single mother than not a single mother at all.

I didn't have my child to relieve the loneliness because I know that is not the answer.. however he does relieve some of it. I feel like I have some purpose now and we have fun doing stuff together. However I do still feel incredibly lonely during the hard parts of parenting, and I've noticed my phone usage is very high, probably so I can connect with people when I spend so much time on my own at home.

I don't know what the future holds, I'm not overly positive given the length of time it has been. But we all have the rest of our lives to meet someone so I guess there is always hope.

Sorry that was meant to say

I always said I would rather be a single mother than not a mother at all.

SMBC - thanks for sharing your story. I think it matters a lot that finding someone has no age limit (I have several relatives and acquaintances who married in their 50s or 60s) but having a child definitely does.

I was single between 27(divorced) and 33. It was a long 6 years wondering if I’d find someone I wanted to share my life with, to have kids with etc.

I eventually got into a good routine with a fair few social activities, and filled my weekend with gym, spa, cinema while friends did family stuff. I tried to keep an open mind about meeting someone and grasp every opportunity. Then, suddenly I did. Married at 34, 1st child at 35, another at 38, 3rd at 42. Life has changed unimaginably.

But the despair of that time, wondering what life would hold me for if I never met the right person, was real. Particularly evening alone. I still relive it in bad dreams sometimes. So I really do sympathise.

We’ve since moved to a fairly rural area where I have a younger friend in a similar situation approaching mid 30s. I worry about her because it feels to me that this location isn’t really providing her with the opportunities that a more urban environment gave me. We’re in an area that people come to with their SO to raise their kids. You’d really have to reach out to find other singles here, but I think she is more of the romantic, Mr-Right-will-find-me persuasion. Yet I know she desperately wants a partner and children.

The advice I get a lot is to “get out there” “get a hobby” “meet people” - thing is I do! Joined my local running club as I love to run - I’m the youngest by a long shot and everyone’s married! Did a course of my interest at the community center over the course of a few months and made friends but it was mostly women! And I work in child care (oh god you don’t find many men there I can tell you now!)
I’m not someone who can just step into a bar and have a drink and chat with anyone (not anymore anyway!)
Maybe I just need a puppy.....

I'm in the same boat. I used to be really happy being single but the older I get the less happy I am. I do a lot of dating and socialising trying to create opportunities but I never really meet anyone who I could see spending the rest of my life with. Maybe we could all meet up for a drink, but I'm guessing we're in different parts of the UK or maybe not even in the UK at all.

I had a tough breakup from my then fiance at 32 (he had an affair with the mother of our godson). My confidence was at an all time low at that point as my career had really nosedived and he had spent years on and off putting me down and being emotionally abusive (with hindsight each time he met a woman who looked like the grass was greener, the abusive behaviour would start again). It took 5 years to meet someone else. All the offers that had in the meantime were from married men, which didn't particularly make me feel like ending up in another relationship or getting married if it was only likely to happen again. During that time I got work to a point where I could tolerate it, if not actively enjoy it, I developed lots of fun new hobbies and skills and I had a plan for what to do to retrain. Then I met my now husband at work. It wasn't love at first sight for me, I just wasn't even thinking about men that way. But he spotted me out running near his flat and asked if I wanted a running partner. I fell in love with his gentle nature and strong love of family. We have been married for 4 years now and have one DD.