Ex left for someone else - ego still bruised

[crossroads1]

Hi all, my ex bf was cheating on me and left me for someone else nearly 2 years. To cut a long story short, he was verbally abusive, a drug addict, etc and I definitely dodged a bullet before committing to marriage. Im now with someone else who I am completely besotted with. We have the healthiest loving relationship and Im so glad my ex did what he did. However sometimes curiosity gets the better of me and I check on my ex bf and his gfs social media. They are still together and look happy (I know, not everything on social media is to be believed) but my ego gets stung every time I see these photos. After the way he treated me and the both of them are flaunting their relationship just doesn't seem fair. Has this happened to anyone else? And how do you deal with your ego being hurt? I would never EVER want him back but doesn't seem to be any justice that they two of them are going strong. When is karma going to come around for these two? (again another rhetorical question, just looking for advice) thanks

You sound like you have a great guy now and what happens or doesn’t happen with the ex is irrelevant. Just stop yourself from checking up on him (on social media or otherwise) and let him become a distant memory.

notthetoothfairy - you are completely right, I just don't want them to stay together as it doesn't seem fair and a part of me wants them to crash and burn.

Hi OP. 2 years after we split my ex and the OP was also posting happy, happy shit. It stings. 15 years later and I’m the one posting happy, happy shit. He’s had 5 or 6 long term girl friends, another divorce, a bankrupt business, and by all accounts is still a (barely) functioning alcoholic. I’ve had one stable happy marriage, travelled the world and have kids and a successful career.
Apparently I’m the one ‘who got away’. Now. Then I was a bitch and the cause of all his problems.

Karma is a bitch, but it sometimes takes its own sweet time.

OP=OW
Not you IP :)

IP=OP

I give up!

I hear ya! I spent a long long time focusing on the ex and the girl he cheated with, it was massively damaging to me and became a habit that was hard to break. I'm totally over it now but I did smile when I heard on the grapevine he's been caught out shagging someone else. I'm glad she's had a taste of her own medicine.

This is exactly what has been happening lately it has become a habit and the more I check and see posts the more I keep doing it. I do believe in karma but just seems to be taking a while!

must have felt good when the OW got a taste of her own medicine!

I was the bitch who didn't 'understand my exes problems' either but the OW did apparently, and seems like they are playing happy families.

Can so relate to this! Ex cheated on me a year ago, I am now in a very happy relationship but that doesn’t take away the hurt from the affair and I can’t seem to get over it...still think about whats happened a lot and having dreams.
Everyone says ex and ow won’t last and I so hope they don’t and although I have moved on and am happier than ever I really really want karma to pay them a visit!

lanternlighter this is me! I am with an amazing partner but it doesn't stop my hurt over what the two of them did. Everyone says they won't last but every time I look, the y sure seem to be lasting!

Apart from waiting for karma to work its magic what are we meant to do? surely it can't be far that all these cheaters and the OW stay together.. can it?

Surely the karma is that she is with a cheater and a drug addict and he's unable to appreciate a good relationship and believes "the grass is always greener." (But wherever he goes, there he is). They both sound troubled and miserable.
I wouldn't want to be either one of them and neither should you!

The only slight comfort I take is that surely they both must have some worry over being cheated on themselves.
Ex must worry ow could go after another married man and ow must worry that he will cheat on her this time.
That thought makes me feel slightly better

More than likely it isn't a happy relationship. It's probably riddled with insecurity and paranoia.
Add in the verbal abuse which more than likely she is now on the receiving end of, and the fact that he's a drug addict and i'd imagine she's not having a great time at all!

Same here. I still have dreams about my ex and him cheating and dumping me but mixed in with my now fiancé! At the start of my relationship with my fiancé I thought this was because I wasn't over my ex. Your brain isn't linear and grief and trauma don't disappear simply because you're in a happy, healthy relationship.
I still have a bruised ego that my ex did this to me but with time it does get better and easier and it becomes more of a distant memory.
I'm at the stage now where I'm embarrassed I was even with my ex and begged him not to run off with this other girl.
He was a man baby and loved his drugs. He quit his bank job to be a hipster and I now cringe at him and me being so in to him. He's gone back to his bank job and still with the girl much to my annoyance however its all superficial. He had demons and I can guarantee people who do such crappy things to others will never be truly happy.

I am already embarrassed I was ever with him - I always knew deep down we weren't right together, then he started drinking/taking drugs more and this OW seemed to understand him more (which is what his explanation was for the cheating.) He seems to have left all of his family and friends behind to start a new life with her. And even though it shouldnt bother me, it does annoy me to see them looking so happy. As a side note: all of her pictures are with him and she became pretty obsessive over him. Im not sure why. Ill wait for karma but in the meantime I apologise for the rants that may be coming. I have tried meditation, exercising, and bettering myself but the core of it is I wouldn't care if he was with someone else, or I would love if the OW would dump him and run off with another man but none of it seems to be on the horizon. They take lots of holidays and seem blissfully happy, they also work together so are with eavhother 24/7

Just don't look. Unfortunately life isn't always fair, that's just the way of it. But I imagine, the way things started, they will have their strains snd suspicions to contend with. My es'es profile pic v quickly became, and remains, a variety of couples pics...I tend to think she is very insecure because of the way things started (they both cheated on their partners) and she needs to 'advertise' that they are together.

I had this and it started to eat away at me and eventually my new relationship because I became so bitter! I ended up blocking them both so I couldn’t be tempted. It did work eventually. She/they did a bad thing to get together and so probably feel they have to “show the world” that they did it for the “right reasons”. If she “really got him” that probably means she is a) into drugs etc more than you and would you rather be that? And/or B) is an enabler or a doormat who played the “cool girl” who was ok with heavy drinking and drugs, and now she has the reality of it she feels she has to keep up this cool girlfriend image but inside is hating it but puts on a front of being happy and is desperately capturing the small good points on camera and displaying them, in an
attempt to gloss her life. Either way you really do win OP. You’re with a goodun, you’re happy. He treats you better. Block them and focus on YOUR life, don’t waste away your life obsessing over two other peoples lives 🙂

Unfortunately karma doesn't really exist. My ex h and his other woman are still together ten years on, married with children. I have seen the same several times now. I think honestly living well is the best revenge, you have a lovely new partner and a healthy loving relationship, just concentrate on that

Thank you all I know you are all right and that I should be grateful I got out of that awful relationship - for which I truly am. Maybe karma doesn't exist in situations like these and we will never know what goes on behind closed doors. I just wish the OW and ex bf and all people who have affairs realise the effect it has on others - the questioning of whether we are good enough and what we did wrong. Then after all of that for the two wrong uns to carry on as if they did nothing wrong blows my mind. I could never treat someone that way which is why I find it so hard to comprehend sometimes. Some ppl are just shitty and maybe their karma is that they have to leave with their shitty selves day in and day out. Still wouldn't mind them crashing and burning though!! :P

If there was karma, what had you done to deserve it? Nothing, I bet so just try to let it go..

I think your comment on your ego being bruised is spectacularly spot on and self aware. It hurts to be rejected, especially in favour of someone else. It hurts like hell and makes one feel so insecure.

Maybe try and frame it in reality. We never truly know someone else and the bits of him you didn't know, you were incompatible with. Him not staying with you is so much better in the long run, in this case. And it has left you the opportunity to be with someone that you are indeed better suited to.

Just stop yourself looking him up. It does hurt to be rejected but clearly you are much happier now. If it hadn’t happened you wouldn’t have met your current partner would you? Put it down to experience.